


Catch my fall

by kruder



Series: TianShan Series [2]
Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Break-up/Reunion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Family Trouble, Fluff and Smut, Internal Conflict, M/M, The pain is real but it's gonna be worth it, drama baby!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-03-30 13:31:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 34,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13952616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kruder/pseuds/kruder
Summary: Being with Mo Guan Shan sometimes was too good to be true. So after a fight with his father He Tian makes a fatal decision, causing them both to stumble and fall. In the aftermath both struggle to get back up again. Will they manage? Or will they fall apart?Sequel to Lucid but can also be read as a single fic.





	1. Chapter 1

He awoke with his naked body tangled in the bed sheets. His hand automatically searched the bed for another warm body, but it was cold and empty. He Tian sleepily opened one eye and turned his head. But there was no redhead in sight, he realized disappointed. With his head still foggy from sleep, he sighed and slowly sat up. He grabbed his phone to check the time and his eyes widened in surprise- it was already 11am. Momo had a free Saturday, so they had a few drinks yesterday. Since Momo had a low tolerance for alcohol it didn't take much for him to loosen up to the point he made He Tian almost take him in the bar's restroom. His cheeks were glowing, his eyes sparkled and his usual frown was replaced by a wide grin as he clung to He Tian and giggled in his ear. “Fuuuuck, He Tian, you have no right to be so fucking sexy”, he whispered, at least trying to keep his voice down. 

“Since we came here I saw a fucking billion girls staring at you and I think also some of the guys. You are just too fucking sexy.” 

Mo Guan Shan gulped down the rest of his drink and grimaced. He Tian chuckled and started to protest, but Mo Guan Shan interrupted him. 

“Shhhh, I'm not finished yet. So shut the fuck up.” 

He Tian enjoyed it when Mo Guan Shan forgot his shyness and got the stick out of his ass- it was usually highly entertaining and meant that he would get another thing in his ass sooner or later. So he just grinned and shut up. 

“And to be honest- I hate it. I hate it when they look at you like you are their pray or some shit. I even hate it in school when the teachers look at you like a bunch of fucking pervs. Like they wanna eat you up.” 

Mo Guan Shan faced He Tian, his brown eyes glazed yet intense. 

“I hate it because they have no right to look at you like that.” His eyes locked on He Tian's, his voice was low and husky. “You are mine, Tian.” 

He Tian swallowed, his mouth suddenly gone dry. His head spun and he allowed himself to drown for a second in those perfect bronze eyes. His words and the fact he'd only used his first name made the desire for this redhead almost painful. Music, chatter, people, movement, everything was blocked out in a moment of pure intimacy in the middle of a noisy crowd. He Tian leaned forward and his lips touched Mo Guan Shan's ear. 

“You are a fucking idiot, Momo”, he whispered. “Telling me this in a place where I can't kiss you before fucking you right up against the wall.” 

His voice was a low growl and Mo Guan Shan felt a shiver run down his spine. 

“And you are a fucking idiot if you think I give a shit about anybody else here.” He pressed his leg against Mo Guan Shan's under the table. “I'm yours. And I'll always be.” 

Mo Guan Shan looked at him, his face flushed, pupils blown in lusty eyes, his lips full and shiny. He looked so sexy, He Tian felt the blood rush in his already half-hard cock, knowing he couldn't ensure to control himself for much longer. He was pretty sure Mo Guan Shan was in a similar state, so he quickly payed for their drinks before rushing Mo Guan Shan in a cab. The drive was a short but dreadful exercise of self-control, the air electrified in anticipation. When they finally reached He Tian's apartment, all restraints vanished in the second they closed the door. He Tian slammed Mo Guan Shan backwards at the door, kissing those sinful lips with fervor, using a lot of tongue and teeth. Mo Guan Shan moaned in the kiss, answering it with a needy heat. Their clothes were ripped off and shoved away until they were standing completely naked in the hallway, their bodies pressed together, kissing hungrily. He Tian groaned when he felt Mo Guan Shan's hard cock rub against his own and knew he had to fuck him, now. He grabbed Mo Guan Shan by the waist and lifted him up. Mo Guan Shan shrieked out in surprise and wiggled to get back on the floor. 

“Lemme down, dumbass! What are you doing?”, he protested but He Tian just carried him to his bedroom and threw him on the bed. 

“I need to have you now, Momo.” His eyes were glowing. “God, you're so fucking sexy.” 

He Tian climbed on the bed and started to kiss a still bewildered Mo Guan Shan all over. By now he knew the good spots like on his own body, and surprise quickly melted in pure lust, moans and occasional swearing. When He Tian saw how much pre-cum Mo Guan Shan was already leaking he decided not to wait for another second and fetched the lube from the drawer. Mo Guan Shan propped up on his elbows. 

“Wait. Lay down.” 

Frustration and anticipation were mixed in him when He Tian lay on his back, his cock pointing rock hard in the air. Mo Guan Shan took the lube from his hand and straddled He Tian. After applying a generous amount on his hand, he reached behind his back to search for his entrance. He Tian could not see what he was doing, but he guessed it from the frown, followed by a small moan and a fluttering shut of Mo Guan Shan's eyes as he prepared himself. He looked so gorgeous on top of him that He Tian bit his lower lip, knowing he would definitely jerk off someday to the memory of Momo straddling him, sweaty, horny and preparing himself to get fucked by him. When he felt ready, Mo Guan Shan grabbed the base of He Tian's cock and positioned the tip on his hole. With a deep breath, he let himself sink down on He Tian until he was buried completely in his ass. It was always a bit painful at first this way and Mo Guan Shan needed a moment to get used to the stretch. He looked at He Tian, who had let his head fall back into the pillow, letting out a loud groan when he entered him. He saw that He Tian fought to stop himself from taking over control. This was why he sometimes loved being on top and for once dictating the tempo. Mo Guan Shan started to move his hips, letting He Tian's cock slide in and out of his ass. When the tip of He Tian's cock rammed his prostate, he moaned loudly and quickened his movements, trying to get more of that deep, satisfying pleasure. He Tian lifted his hips and thrust his cock upwards, forcefully penetrating him. He saw Mo Guan Shan's lusty expression and let his gaze fall down, watching how his cock slid out of Momo's ass just to be buried deeply again. He Tian always loved to watch them having sex, his cock coming in and out of Momo's ass or mouth, it didn't matter, he found it incredibly hot and arousing. Mo Guan Shan's cock bounced between them, pre-cum smeared on He Tian's belly. When his breath got ragged and the movements a bit erratic, He Tian knew Mo Guan Shan was close and started to stroke his cock firmly. He felt his own orgasm build in his belly and heard himself moan. 

“Tian, I'm cumming!” 

Crying out his name Mo Guan Shan came seconds later and spilled his cum over He Tian's chest, his ass twitching and sending He Tian straight into a forceful orgasm, his seed shooting deep into Mo Gaun Shan. They collapsed panting heavily. He Tian felt the weight of Mo Guan Shan on top of him, felt his hot, ragged breath against his neck. He pulled him into a tight embrace, his heart still racing from the orgasm and held him until they both started to relax. Mo Guan Shan lifted his head and cupped He Tian's face with his hands. He looked deeply into the dark gray eyes and planted a soft kiss on He Tian's lips. 

“Maybe it's still the whiskey from earlier but I swear you never looked more fucking beautiful.” 

Mo Guan Shan's voice was gentle and just a tiny bit mocking, and for the second time this evening He Tian felt his mouth go dry and his throat constrict strangely. Instead of a response, He Tian kissed Mo Guan Shan deeply. He felt he could have gone for another round, but Mo Guan Shan fell limply next to him and gave him the finger before dozing off some moments later. He didn't even clean himself up and He Tian knew he would be complaining in the morning, calling He Tian a disgusting pervert when he got turned on by the cum dripping down Mo Guan Shan's leg but giving in eventually for some lazy morning sex. He Tian grinned. He looked forward to it.


	2. Chapter 2

Now he woke up in an empty bed, what was not how he had planned this. He hated when things didn't go as he'd planned them. Suddenly he sniffed. A delicious smell lingered in the air, sweet and tasty, like fried dough and fresh coffee. His stomach grumbled and he noticed how hungry he was- aside from a million other reasons, having a bad ass cook like Mo Guan Shan as a boyfriend was sometimes too good to be true. Thinking of his redhead raised his mood immediately and he got up, grabbing a pair of briefs before entering the kitchen. The sunlight shone warm and bright through the high windows, diving everything into a golden glow. Mo Guan Shan was standing at the stove, pyjama pants riding low on his hips, not bothering a shirt. He Tian marveled at the perfect, milky white torso. Streaks of sunlight colored his hair in an intensive flame-like crimson. He Tian knew that Momo's warm brown eyes would be freckled with golden spots now if he looked closely. He drew in he sight of Momo being concentrated preparing breakfast for them. Maybe it was because he'd never experienced it in his life but He Tian loved those little moments of domesticity, like the smell of freshly cooked food or a second toothbrush in the bathroom. In the almost six months they were a couple he didn't grew tired of this for one second. He stepped over and hugged Mo Guan Shan from behind. 

“I'd hoped for some morning sex but this is almost as good”, he murmured into his ear. 

Mo Guan Shan grinned. “As long as I don't catch you doing perverted stuff to the dough instead of me everything's fine.” 

“Jeez, Momo, it seems you're the perv here. I'm shocked.” 

“You're shocked? I didn't think that Mr. fucking Cool would be capable of something like that. You never stop to surprise me.” 

“Yeah, so do you.” 

He Tian hugged him closer, inhaling his scent and nibbled along the sensitive shell of his ear. Mo Guan Shan shivered but shoved him away with his hips. 

“What's it with you? Do you have a fucking kink always molesting me while I'm cooking? Go make yourself useful, set the table.” 

He Tian sighed dramatically before fetching the plates. 

 

“What do you wanna do on your free day?” He Tian asked after they finished their breakfast. “Except of having a lot of sex with me, of course.” 

“Fuck off”, Mo Guan Shan replied playfully. 

After putting the dirty dishes in the sink he returned to the table and straddled He Tian, putting his arms around He Tian's neck. 

“I don't know, maybe we go to the park, play some basketball or go the arcade? I do actually own a bit of cash, since my chef at the restaurant gave us all a pay raise.”

He Tian smiled. “Sounds good to me. And I'd love to kick your ass again in that car race game.” 

He grinned and stroked the small of Mo Guan Shan's back with his thumbs. 

“Like hell you will! I feel in top shape today. And this time I'll enjoy your sour face when you loose!” 

The bickering and teasing between them was automatic by now, making their conversations easy and flirty like a match. He Tian could change a pissed expression on Momo's face into a soft smile with a single word. By now, they were so attuned to each other a glance sometimes was enough to make Momo laugh, swear or blush furiously. He Tian loved that Mo Guan Shan was so responsive to him, in every way. The first time he heard Momo laugh he felt his heart flutter and a strange pressure in his chest. Sometimes it scared him how close he let Momo get to him, how attached he had become to this impulsive, marvelous redhead. It scared him because he knew that everything you have you can loose. A part of him sometimes called him weak for getting dependent like that. It was his brother's voice, who made it clear long ago that he despised weaklings. Loving someone meant making yourself vulnerable and He Tian grew up sensing that fucking was okay, even get married, or have kids, but you must never, ever fall in love. Well, he'd pretty much failed at that one. There were few things that could scare He Tian but one of them was not being able to control things, being helpless. In the back of his mind he was aware that a future with Momo was a challenge due to society's standards but probably outright impossible with his family. Even if he wasn't the direct heir to the business he still was the second son of one of the greatest underground bosses and that meant sacrifices. If not today, then in the future. These thoughts sometimes kept him awake at night, when Momo snored peacefully next to him. Watching the relaxed face, the ruffled red strands of hair he felt like an egoistic bastard. The future: something that made both of them afraid. Mo Guan Shan always tensed up when He Tian got too close to him or too obvious when they were outside, shoving him away and swearing to kick his arse. He Tian enjoyed the teasing yet realized that Momo wasn't comfortable with making their relationship public (although he was sure that even a blind, deaf stranger must notice the vibes between them). Since they were trapped in dilemma, they wordlessly agreed just to ignore the issue and enjoy what they had. And because in most respects they were a pretty decent match it had worked out so far. 

He Tian was ripped out of his musings when Mo Guan Shan caught his lower lip with his teeth and nibbled gently along the seam. He Tian instantly felt his body react and teased Mo Guan Shan with the tip of his tongue. Momo looked at him with lustful eyes, intensifying the kiss. He Tian pulled him close and felt his briefs getting tighter. He put his hands under Mo Guan Shan's ass and carried him to the couch, where he flopped him on his back. Momo's lean and muscular body was bathed in golden sunlight, cheeks already flushed and obviously very aroused. In those moments He Tian intuitively knew why he let himself forget all caution, all restriction, all distance. There was nothing he could imagine would look this beautiful and this sexy. He bent down and started to kiss Mo Guan Shan passionately, stroking his dick through his pants and making him moan in his mouth. Mo Guan Shan let his fingers slide down over his chest to his briefs and slip under the waistband. He firmly stroked He Tian's fully erect dick. He Tian gasped and decided that they still were definitely wearing too many clothes and quickly removed all bothering fabric. He reached for the lube that was stored under the couch and prepared Mo Guan Shan with his fingers. (Another thing he loved about Momo: before they were dating, even before they had their first kiss, he'd caught himself imagining how he would tame the wild redhead, submitting him forcefully. This erotic fantasy usually made him come immediately. But that Momo would love getting fucked by him that much, that he would submit himself that willingly and enjoy his cock so shamelessly, that was something beyond all imagination.) Mo Guan Shan already panted from being worked open by his fingers when He Tian positioned his cock and without warning rammed it all the way inside. Momo cried out, his eyes squeezed shut and his hands clutched on the couch. He Tian set up a fast pace, thrusting hard in Momo's ass. Mo Guan Shan soon was a moaning mess and completely lost in the sensation of being thoroughly fucked by He Tian. He dug his heels into He Tian's back to draw him even closer and felt strong hands on his hips. He Tian elevated his ass to get a better angle and penetrated Mo Guan Shan's sweet spot fast and hard. He Tian felt a drop of sweat rolling down his face and watched his cock slid in and out of Momo's tight hole. He felt he was about to come when he heard Momo's moans growing more and more ragged and started to pump Momo's cock in match with his thrusts. Mo Guan Shan's face wore an almost painful expression when he was overwhelmed by his orgasm, crying out and clutching on He Tian's back. His fingernails scratched his skin and the pain combined with some last, hard thrusts made He Tian groan loudly as his climax crushed him. Totally spent, he collapsed on top of Mo Guan Shan, who was breathing heavily. His expression was dazed when he looked at He Tian, lips parted into a wrecked smile. He Tian captured his mouth in a kiss, letting his tongue roll along Mo Guan Shan's. The sun shone warm on his back. 

“I couldn't imagine a better Saturday so far”, he murmured. 

Mo Guan Shan smiled. “Me too. And when I beat your ass at the arcade I'm gonna be the luckiest man by tonight.” 

“You wish.” He Tian teased and gently bit his neck. “But maybe you get your ass beaten anyway.” 

Mo Guan Shan laughed and tried to shove him back. “You really do have a little kink for pain, huh? Not in your wildest fantasies!” 

“You don't wanna know about my wildest fantasies, little Momo”, He Tian said with a dangerous voice. 

Mo Guan Shan just grinned. “No, I really don't wanna know what fucking perverted stuff you have in that pretty head of yours.” 

“That's a shame”, He Tian sighed and gave Mo Guan Shan's neck a last lick. “Now quick quick in the shower! We have a full program for today!” 

He Tian stood and pulled Mo Guan Shan up from the couch. His cum flow down Momo's thighs and he bent down to wipe it off with his discarded briefs. Mo Guan Shan startled in surprise but let him finish. 

“Nobody can tell my I'm not taking good care of you”, He Tian said when he stood up. 

Mo Guan Shan kissed him lightly. “No, you are taking incredibly good care of me”, he said before taking his hand and leading him to the shower.

 

The afternoon was warm and pleasant, and it seemed like all of the city's couples had gathered in the streets, chatting, holding hands and stealing little kisses. Mo Guan Shan and He Tian walked next to each other and He Tian wished nothing more than taking Momo's hand in his own and showing the whole world what was his. He let his arm brush Momo's and was rewarded with a timid smile. He was sure that Mo Guan Shan felt the same way. They strolled through the park and headed to the arcade where He Tian really was beaten by Momo in this stupid car race and he could not deny that this was seriously pissing him off. Mo Guan Shan rubbed it in about a thousand times and wore a proud grin all over his face. 

“Since you seem to turned on by a little pain maybe I'll treat your ass tonight”, he whispered in He Tian's ear, ripping him out of his huffy concentration to shoot intergalactic troops. 

His head snapped to Mo Guan Shan, high-score forgotten. Mo Guan Shan winked at him with a very suggesting smile on his lips. He Tian's eyes widened and for once, he was caught off guard and completely lost at words. Mo Guan Shan just patted his back and strolled away, looking very satisfied with himself. After the arcade they walked to their favorite ramen restaurant. They ordered and He Tian threatened Mo Guan Shan with a soon and painful death if he were to mention his victory in the fucking car race once more. Mo Guan Shan laughed, his mood relaxed. He Tian thought to himself that he would let Momo win every time if he was this happy afterwards. Okay, maybe not every time, but now and then. 

In the middle of their meal, his phone buzzed. He Tian chose to ignore it, but it buzzed several times, seemingly important. Slightly annoyed, he checked to find a message from his father. He felt himself tense up immediately. His father never contacted him if it wasn't some kind of emergency. He frowned. His father wanted to meet him, not wanted, ordered to meet him. He didn't say why, but a car would pick him up this evening, so it seemed urgent. He Tian realized he grabbed his phone so hard the plastic cracked. News from his family was always bad news. They had made the deal that he would finish school and until then they wouldn't bother him with family business. So what was this about? He had absolutely no clue, and he couldn't stand being left in the dark. After some moments, he realized Mo Guan Shan was talking to him. He tried to collect himself, not wanting to reveal how the message had shaken him. A look in Mo Guan Shan's face made clear that this was in vain. 

“What the fuck, He Tian? Who was this?” 

Mo Guan Shan 's voice was full of concern. He Tian knew it was the best not to drag him in any of his complicated family business. 

“Sorry Momo, this was my father. I don't know what's going on but I have to meet him this evening.” 

His voice was casual, but Mo Guan Shan knew him well enough to remark that something was off. But this was He Tian's business, and since privacy was highly respected by him he didn't pry. 

“Okay”, he said instead. “But let me know if I can do something to help.” 

He Tian looked at him, thankful that Mo Guan Shan tried to be supportive but not forcing himself on him. “Thanks. I will, but I don't think there is something you can do. I don't even know what this is about.” 

 

They parted in front of the restaurant. Those moments always were a bit awkward, both wanting to pull each other in a tight embrace but pretending a casual good-bye among friends. 

“I'm so sorry that this shit has to happen on your free evening. I'll make it up, I promise”, He Tian said with honest regret. 

“Yeah you better do or else your family will be your smallest problem,” Mo Guan Shan replied lightly. He was a little sad but not really angry because family was family after all. He started to head in his home's direction and turned around after a few steps, a tender smile on his lips. 

“Call me later!” 

He Tian watched his slim figure with a perfect ass hidden in low-hung jeans until he disappeared around the corner. He sighed and headed home.


	3. Chapter 3

His father had told him he'd be picked up in about an hour so he busied himself with tidying up the apartment and even changing the bed sheets. He smirked at the prospect of Momo's surprised face and his mocking response that fresh sheets were of course futile regarding how soon they would get all sweaty and sticky again. When it was about time he went downstairs. The sun was already low but the air was still warm and sweet. Excited couples rushed by, probably heading for a date and He Tian felt a pang of jealousy of their possibility to freely show their affection. He frowned. Today he was somehow in the mood for dark thoughts. He tried to shake them off, knowing that it would be a bad start for the meeting with his father when he felt on edge. After a short wait a black, elegant car parked in front of him. A big and brutal looking fellow emerged from the passenger's seat and opened the door for He Tian. His expressionless face scanned the environment. He Tian knew guys like him. They always seemed sturdy like a rock but could turn into killer machines in the twinkling of an eye. Better have respect. He Tian slid in the rear seat. The door was shut with a perfect click and immediately the summer day was shut out in the gloomy, air-conditioned atmosphere. They glided soundless through the streets. Nobody spoke to him and He Tian didn't ask any questions, knowing that he would not get answers anyway. He tried to focus on the passing scenes and fight the anxiousness in his stomach. After about an hour, they reached the city district where huge mansions had own security companies, high fences armed with invisible cameras so nobody could enter or leave without being noticed. The driver pulled up in front of an impressive building and showed an ID to the armed man watching the entrance. He nodded and stepped aside to let them pass. Momo would probably get a heart-attack when he thinks my apartment is luxurious, He Tian thought and found immediate comfort in the thought that his redhead would be here with him. Pull yourself together, he scolded himself. With his father he must wear a mask of perfect coolness and self assurance, anything else would have the effect of an open wound in a shark tank. He steeled himself and put on his cool, slightly bored expression that fit like a second skin after years of rehearsal.

Inside the grand hallway he was awaited by the secretary of his father. He just nodded and spoke lowly into his headset. “He is seeing you now.” He Tian followed him through several big and exquisitely furnished rooms. The walls were decorated with impossibly expensive paintings, He Tian did not know what they were, he grew up with them and regarded them without any deeper interest. He was sure that some of them were acquired not entirely legal but as a part of some drug business, another reason he didn't want to bother too much with them. Being nosy in his family's line of business could cost you your life quickly, he was aware of that. His father received him in his office, where the secretary discreetly closed the door after him.

The most impressive part in the room, apart from his father, was a massive bureau made of dark wood, richly covered with carved ornaments. As a child, He Tian always thought it looked like a sleeping animal, a dragon or something, that would come to life and destroy everything his father would command. Even if he knew now that this was just a table, of course, it still frightened him a tiny bit, making him uneasy. That was the thing about his father: it was not just a table, it was a sign, a gesture of his power, like everything else that was in this house. The single purpose of everything associated with his father was to affirm his position, making others feel small, vulnerable, weak. It took a long time for He Tian to understand the mechanisms of power and yet he couldn't deny they still worked. When he entered, his father was working on some papers, not bothering to look up. He Tian awkwardly stood in front of the door, hating how insecure his father could make him by doing nothing. Suddenly he didn't know what to do with his hands and shoved them in his pockets. Eventually his father made a vague gesture to the chair opposite to his desk. He Tian sat and watched his father, waiting for him to speak up. His father was a tall, impressive man, some would say attractive. His face was all sharp angles, high cheekbones and piercing eyes. He Tian knew he resembled him. His father had eyes like a hawk, black and menacing, but when he smiled, He Tian always thought of a wolf. Sharp teeth, thirst for blood and no mercy. This was how he saw his father. After what seemed like an eternity, his father signed a last paper and his gaze met his son's, for the first time in a long while. He regarded him and He Tian knew he was being judged, it wasn't doomsday but close. He tried his best to reveal nothing in a blank and neutral expression.

“He Tian. Son. How are you?” The voice of his father was deep and completely lacked any emotion.

“I'm good father, thanks for your concern.”

“How's school?”

“Good, I'm still having top grades and will graduate with honor, I think.”

“Good.”

His father still watched him intently, making He Tian uncomfortable. His father didn't invite him to chat, so what was this?

“And how's your life beside school? Having a girlfriend to sweeten your leisure time?”

In his voice there was no a hint of affection, or concern, or curiosity that could have been present in other father-son-talks. He was cold as a fish and He Tian tried his best to cover up the irritation the questions about his love live caused.

“I uhm... currently I don't have a girlfriend. It's so hard to decide, they all throw themselves at me at school.” He Tian tried to give away the impression of a picky playboy, too lazy to chose the sweetest cherry on the pie. “And I think I'm a bit young to get all settled and stuff.”

He Tian leaned back in his chair, meeting his father's eyes with a cool grin. His father just watched him coldly and settled back in his chair himself.

“So, no girlfriend. What about an occasional fuck here and then? Are the girls in your school good enough for that?”

He Tian frowned, he got increasingly confused with the direction this conversation was taking. His father never before showed the slightest interest in any parts of his life that weren't directly related to the family business, so he couldn't understand what he was going at.

“Well, I'm not seeing anyone at the moment”, He Tian tried to end this weird talk.

What happened next was so fast that He Tian could not prepare himself at all. His father jumped up from his chair, grabbed He Tian by the collar and forcefully smashed his nose on the cold surface of the wooden desk. He yanked up He Tian's head, brutally pulling his hair up and forced him to meet his gaze. He Tian's eyes were tearing and he felt the blood gush from his shattered nose, but the look in his father's eyes chilled him to the bone. He realized in this moment that his father wouldn't hesitate a second to kill him with his bare hands when he thought it was necessary. He'd been afraid of a dragon in form of a table when the real threat had the shape of his father, sitting behind it.

“I hate it when I'm lied to.”

His voice was low and menacing as he revealed his grip and pushed He Tian back in his chair. With a slightly disgusted expression, he wiped his hands with a napkin. He Tian sat in his chair, pain numbing his mind.

“What... what are you talking about?”, he eventually managed to mutter, his voice sounding hoarse.

“I have received information that you are maintaining a regular contact to someone from your school. My information suggests that you are seeing this person on an intimate base. I would appreciate this, you are a young man after all." He drew in a sharp breath. "But certainly not with another boy.”

He Tian felt his head spinning, unable to grasp a clear thought. Was this about Momo? But why? He tried to suppress his growing panic.

“I don't know what you are talking about, father.”

He Tian sounded weak and hated himself for it. His father looked at him, contempt written all over his hard face.

“You disappoint me. I thought I would have raised a strong man, but it seems I have raised a wretched bastard that enjoys being fucked in the arse more than engaging in his family business.” He looked like he would spit out in disgust. “You have a responsibility, He Tian. I will not stand aside and watch while you put our name, my name, all my hard work to shame. Before that happens, I will destroy you, He Tian, I will crush you to the last bone, I promise that.” He breathed out, his voice had risen. Dripping with cold venom, he growled, “You will never see that Mo Guan Shan again. Find yourself a girl that is suitable for someone in your position. I expect you to obey, because if not I will not only crush your pathetic life but also his. And I will make him suffer to his last breath, believe me.”

One look in his black cruel eyes told He Tian that he meant every word he said.

“Now leave before I forget myself.”

He Tian stumbled from the chair and hurried to the door. He was too afraid of what his father might be capable of when he defied himself. Standing in the carpeted hallway He Tian noticed his whole body was trembling, his shirt was drenched with sweat and stuck to his back. His brother was waiting for him at the door and eyed him coldly.

“You deserved that, little brother. I don't know what you were thinking to get involved with that scum. You are a shame for the whole family. Be grateful father grants you another chance to clear your name. I would not have done that.” He gave him a last disgusted glare before turning away. “There's a car waiting for you outside. Now piss off.”

All He Tian could do was hasten out of the building and collapse in the car. His head in his hands he felt close to hyperventilating. What in the motherfuck did just happen? Pain throbbed in his nose and he had a bitter metallic taste in his mouth. The meaning of his father's words slowly started to think in. He made it unmistakably clear that if he continued his relationship with Momo, he would not only cut all family ties to He Tian but also make Mo Guan Shan suffer severely and maybe even kill him. He Tian groaned in despair. This had to be a nightmare. So the only way to protect Momo was- he stopped the thought, as if it was causing phsyical pain. The only way was to leave him immediately. An image from last night flickered through his mind- both of them sitting in the bar, way too close to each other and he's telling Momo he will be his, only his, forever. He Tian felt tears well up in his eyes and blinked rapidly. He would definitely not cry like a pathetic romeo with his father's bullies around. So he forced himself to breath normally, silently looking out in the already dark sky.

 

When they arrived at his apartment block, He Tian stepped out of the car without a word of thanks or good-bye. He went to the bathroom to check his nose. It wasn't broken but badly bruised and he hissed in pain when he washed off the dried blood. In his kitchen he poured himself a big shot of vodka, feeling in desperate need of a drink. He needed to think. There had to be a way out of this. He couldn't believe that a day that had started with his redhead making him breakfast, kissed by the morning sun, could turn into a fucked-up nightmare like this. He realized that this had probably been the last breakfast made by him, and the last kiss, and the last gentle touch.... his thoughts trailed further and the whole meaning of _leaving Momo_ hit him with such a force it knocked all air out of his lungs. He grabbed his glass and shattered it on the wall, a desperate sob escaping his mouth. There were too many thoughts and emotions racing through his head, he felt overwhelmed by it all, just wanting to find the button that could turn back the time and make all this mess disappear. He felt wetness on is cheeks and realized he was crying. It was the first time he cried since he was a little kid and he suddenly felt very helpless, and very alone. He remembered with a bitter feeling why he'd never let himself get attached to somebody. _Everything you have you can loose._ Momo would be in great danger if he didn't cut himself loose and he could not let that happen, he wasn't that much of an egoist. With trembling hands he checked his phone- 2 missed calls from Momo, 3 new messages.

_Hi, are u okay? How was the meeting? Got scolded for an F in maths??_ (6.04pm).

_Everything alright? Call me asshole, I'm worried_ (8.27pm).

_I'm going to sleep now at least I'll fucking try. Pls call me asap_ (11.39pm).

He Tian felt a pain that felt like his heart would be ripped out. He knew there was no good-bye, no last words or apologies for him. This needed to ended, now, or Momo might have a visit from his fathers thugs tonight. He assumed his father watched him closely right now, so every false step could be fatal. If anything should happen to Momo, He Tian knew he could never forgive himself. He wrote a short message to Momo.

_I'm fine. We need to talk. Call you tomorrow._

He winced when he hit send, knowing that Momo would be hurt by the cold tone, but glad nonetheless that he was still alive. He received a new message.

_Okay. Your apology better be good._

He Tian saw Mo Guan Shan was still typing.

_I miss you, idiot. My bed is small but still too empty without you._

Biting his lip He Tian just typed _Good night. Sleep well._ before turning off his phone.

He cleaned up the broken glass and poured himself another drink. Sitting on the couch he motionless watched the flickering lights of the nightly city and let the booze numb his aching mind.

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

He Tian awoke the next morning with a crooked neck from an uncomfortable night on the couch, he must have fallen asleep in the early morning hours. In the twilight between sleep and awakening he let himself linger for a moment at the vision of a sexy redhead waiting for him in the shower, teasing him while letting his hands wander over his belly with lust-hooded eyes, legs parting invitingly. But as soon as his eyes opened and fell on the almost empty bottle of vodka reality crushed down on him. He sat up with a jolt, the quick movement made his head ache and his stomach turn. He made it to the bathroom just in time before vomiting until his throat hurt from retching, his body covered in cold sweat. Sitting on the cold tiles he thought that he'd never felt so miserable in his life, and this was just the beginning.

The whole night he had wrecked his brain to find out how to do this. How to break up. Finally he'd come to the conclusion that the best way was to make Mo Guan Shan completely forget him, to get stored by him in the category labeled ASSHOLE and get Momo so mad at him he would be glad to have He Tian out of his life. If he really wanted him to be safe and maybe happy one day he had to cut all emotional bonds, once and for all. It would be painful at first, but eventually he would get over him and find someone else. The thought of Momo in another girl's (or boy's?) arms inflicted such a turmoil in him he felt like vomiting again. But it had to be, there was no other way. He'd known it from the beginning but had naively hoped they still had a little bit more time. With trembling fingers he typed a short message.

_Come to my place. We need to talk._

The answer didn't take long.

_Is everything okay? You sound weird. I hope this is no bullshit. C u later._

He Tian cringed, wishing nothing more that replying any stupid, flirty bullshit to divert the deep frown from Momo's face which was there now, he was sure.

 

Mo Guan Shan rang the bell instead of using his key which was the first sign that something was strange today. He Tian opened the door and went straight ahead in the living room. No kiss, no hug, not even a look at him. Mo Guan Shan felt a cold anxiousness creep upon him. He Tian seemed off, he looked hungover and tired, his nose sported a bad bruise. But he also seemed very closed-up, and that scared him. His gaze fell on some bags lying in front of the door and he could recognize his toothbrush along several shirts and a book he once brought over but never got to actually reading it. He swallowed. What was the meaning of this? He closed the door and took a hesitant step in the apartment.

“He Tian, what is this?”, he asked timidly.

He Tian stood on the kitchen counter, a cigarette burning in his fingers. He took a drag and deeply inhaled the smoke. When he spoke, he didn't look at Mo Guan Shan.

“It's exactly what it looks like.”

In his voice was no emotion, just ice. Mo Guan Shan felt like the earth was moving underneath him, knees suddenly weak. After He Tian's strange message he had a feeling that today was going to be weird but he never expected this.

“But... what... I don't understand”, he stuttered before his voice failed.

“There is nothing to understand. It was fun while it lasted. Now I'll move on.”

He Tian's voice was cold but Mo Guan Shan noticed a slight tremble in it.

“I don't understand”, Mo Guan Shan repeated, his head spun. “What happened with your dad? Has this something to do with this? What did he-”

He Tian interrupted him impatiently. “My father reminded me what it means to take responsibility for a family.” He swallowed. “You have no place in that.”

Mo Guan Shan's head was completely empty. He Tian really was breaking up with him. It seemed so surreal he didn't know how to react, crying or laughing or screaming, what was the script for now? He just stood paralyzed in front of his belongings. He Tian still didn't face him. Mo Guan Shan felt a sudden rush of anger and humiliation, tears filled his eyes.

“What do you mean, moving on?”

“I'm going to have a girlfriend.” He Tian finally faced him, his face a stony mask. “A nice and pretty girl that is going to cook for me and fuck with me from now on, and she's the one I can present to my family without putting them to shame.”

Mo Guan Shan shook his head in disbelief.

“So that's it? A nice fuck and somebody to cook, that's all I mean to you?”

He Tian eyed him coldly. “You could not have been so naive to believe that this thing between us would last forever, did you?”

Mo Guan Shan looked on the floor, too shocked at the sight of this cold, cruel stranger standing in front of him.

“But... but you told me yesterday...” He could not finish the sentence, a sob blocking his throat.

“I know. And you were stupid enough to belief me.”

Mo Guan Shan looked at He Tian, his eyes full of confusion and pure hurt. He wanted to say something, but his voice failed him. With slow movements, he gathered the bags and walked out of the apartment. When he reached the door, he heard He Tian's voice.

“Leave the key on the shelf.”

Mo Guan Shan fiddled awkwardly in his pockets to find his spare key. He closed the door behind him and He Tian did nothing to hold him back. Mo Guan Shan felt like sleepwalking home, noticing nothing around him, eyes blinded by tears.

 

He Tian could not remember feeling anything like the pain that ripped through him after Mo Guan Shan had closed the door. He felt like screaming, so much that he bit his hands until it bled. He wasn't the emotional let alone the dramatic type but in a rush of aggression he battered his fist against the wall, leaving bloody marks from his bruised knuckles. He slumped on the floor. The look on Momo's face was playing over and over in his head, his eyes full of confusion and sadness and pure disbelief that this was really happening. _It was the right thing to do, I only want to protect him,_ he tried to justify himself but nothing could change the feeling of having destroyed the one thing that was really precious in his life. He knew he could never forgive himself for hurting his Momo so badly. _His Momo_. It wasn't true anymore, and it made a desperate sob escape his throat. A second bottle of vodka was emptied as he stared blankly in the night, the glowing city beneath him. But he did not see the flickering lights, all he could see was Mo Guan Shan's face when he broke his heart.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day was Sunday and He Tian woke up with a splitting headache and a sore throat from smoking too many cigarettes. He felt weak and sick, lying at the cool floor in front of the huge window. The harsh morning light burned in his eyes and he walked to the bathroom with shaky legs. A rush of sickness washed over him and he vomited in the toilet, his empty stomach cramping. He wiped his mouth and threw a look in the mirror. What he saw shocked him. His face was gray and sweaty with his bruised nose looking brutal, the dark circles under his eyes almost black against his ashen skin. He looked exactly as shitty and miserable as he felt. He Tian winced when he sniffed his shirt, it smelled liked booze, cigarettes and sweat. He stepped under the shower and tried to suppress the image of Momo's expression changing from anxiety to disbelief into pure pain. What was he doing now? He Tian had the urge to slap himself in the face, he must not think about that now. He had done what was necessary. If he wanted his father off his back, and off Momo's back, he had to make unmistakably clear that Momo was not a danger for the reputation of the family anymore. And that meant finding a girlfriend. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned the water so cold it hurt.

 

 

Several kilometers across town, Mo Guan Shan lay furled on his small bed, eyes swollen and red from crying. The whole night he had tried to understand what had happened, if he had misinterpreted something, if he had said some wrong words at the wrong time. He wanted nothing more than to understand why He Tian would act like a heartless asshole, as if it had meant nothing to him. _“And you were stupid enough to belief me.”_ This sentence was playing in his head like a broken record, the look on He Tian's face as if he was dismissing a cheap toy that had gotten boring. His sight got blurred from tears. He felt so stupid, so humiliated. He Tian had been right, he was so naive that he thought that they would find a way to stay together, that they could sort something out. He heard a tentative knock on his door.

“Mo, are you alright?” His mom sounded concerned, he hadn't left his room since yesterday and refused to eat or talk. “Can I come in?”

She waited some moments before tentatively opening the door. Mo Guan Shan rubbed his face, trying to cover up his inner chaos.

“Mo, dear, what's up? Have you been crying?”

His mother sat on the edge of the bed, a hand softly touching Mo Guan Shan's cheek. It had been a long time since he cried in front of his mother but he didn't have the strength to hide his pain. He let himself sink in a warm embrace and sobbed in her arms.

“Mo, what happened?”

His mother stroked his back and waited until he calmed down a bit. He never had the courage to tell his mother about his relationship with He Tian but was pretty sure she must have noticed something, given how much time they spent together. He wished now he had told her under different circumstances.

“I... He Tian... he broke up”, Mo Guan Shan muttered eventually, his voice was throaty and shaking.

His mother pulled him close. “Oh sweety, I'm so sorry to hear this. Did you have a fight?”

Mo Guan Shan shook his head. “We... no... I don't understand. Everything was fine but then...” He felt a sob in his throat, remembering how cold He Tian had been yesterday.

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you, mom”, he uttered after a long pause. “I didn't know what to say.”

His mom cleared her throat. “Well, to be honest, I suspected something like that. You and He Tian suddenly seemed very... close. But I didn't want to pry and waited until you were ready to tell me yourself.”

She pulled him closer and stroked his hair. “I'm sorry my little Mo. Heaving your heart broken is terribly painful.”

Mo Guan Shan was relieved by the sympathetic way his mom reacted and her words could comfort him a little bit. But still, the thought of meeting He Tian in school the next day filled him with dread.

“How should I face him in school tomorrow?”, he mumbled more to himself.

“Maybe you should stay at home until the worst is over.” His mother gave him an affectionate smile. “I can write a note for your home teacher.”

Mo Guan Shan looked in her soft, caring face and burst in tears again. He was too much in pain to feel ashamed that he cried like a little child. His mom stayed a bit longer, rocking him gently in her arms. She knew how bad a lost love could hurt, especially you first love. And even if she wasn't sure how she felt about Mo being in love with another boy, the sight of her son being in such a miserable state almost broke her own heart. When Mo Guan Shan seemed to calm down, she left for the kitchen and returned several moments later with a small bowl of soup.

“Eat something”, she said softly.

“I'm not hungry”, Mo Guan Shan muttered.

“Eat anyway”, his mother insisted and pushed the bowl in his hands.

Mo Guan Shan forced dow some spoons of the tasteless soup.

“That's good”, his mom said satisfied. “Now try to sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.”

She tucked him in and gave him a small smile.

“I know you can't imagine this now, but it will get better eventually.”

She kissed him on the cheek and stood to leave. Mo Guan Shan looked at her, his brown eyes full of sadness and despair.

“Thanks mom”, he said quietly.

His mom smiled at him and left the room, leaving the door ajar. Outside, she took a deep breath. Since it was just the two of them in a long time, she felt a very close bond to her son and it hurt her deeply to see him suffering like that. She still had to chew over the news that he was or rather had been in a romantic relationship with He Tian. She had to admit at first she was surprised why a popular guy like He Tian would spend that much time with Mo, but every time she saw them they seemed like having fun and being happy together. His father had brought a lot of agony to both of them and she knew he was a good son, trying to support her where he could to a degree she was sometimes worried he might miss the best of his youth. It troubled her when she saw how tired and exhausted he often looked, he was way too young for that disenchanted expression on his face. But He Tian somehow made the frown disappear and she noticed that he was smiling more often, seemed less tensed and even laughed out loud, a sound she hadn't heard in years. He had been just a normal teenager head over heels in love. And now he was heartbroken. She wished she could do something to ease his pain but knew he just had to wait until time would heal his wounds.

 

 

He Tian arrived very early at school the next day. Some of the students were already gathering in his classroom, eyes slightly widening at the sight of his bruised nose. A shy girl asked him timidly if he was alright and He Tian put a dismissing smile on his face. “You should see the other guy”, he said coolly and winked at her. She blushed and rushed over to her curious girlfriends. He Tian looked out of the window, his eyes searching automatically for Momo. _Fucking stop it_ , he scolded himself when he realized what he was doing.

Yesterday, after having jogged until his lungs burned and he almost puked in the streets he'd forced himself to work out a plan for the next days. The hardest task was to find a girl that he could be able to stand for more than an hour before developing homicidal impulses because of their stupid, superficial chatter. Most of the girls in his school were utter boring, plain, ordinary. Too easy. Then he remembered a girl, Zhen Xiu, from the other class that was rather smart and also kond of cool for a girl. She had a petite figure with slim hips and slender limbs. They had been in the same work group for a school project last year and she hadn't appeared to be intimidated by him whereas most of the other chicks almost wet their panties when he spoke to them. He decided that maybe this was his best shot and tried not to feel like the worst, miserable asshole in the world.

Early in his life he had learned to carefully conceal his emotions and to develop the ability to switch into another persona like changing his shirt, almost to the point where he didn't know himself what he was feeling, and why he was feeling it. It had been an elementary part of surviving in his family. And to be honest, life went pretty well for He Tian so far- he was smart, had the looks to kill and a natural charm that most people inevitably succumbed to. He never had to struggle for anything, because most of the things he wanted where laid out for him, he just had to reach out and take it. So all in all he wasn't used to deal with any serious trouble. But with Momo, everything had been different. It was the first time he really had to fight for something (which made it of course much more appealing) and somehow Momo had managed to crack his many facades. In the beginning he was sometimes flustered and unsure how to deal with this, not being used to interact without a hint of manipulation and calculation. It took him some time to realize why he lowered his guards. It was because he instinctively felt that if Momo would open his heart for him it was a completely loyal, trusting gesture, that he would never betray him, or hurt him. He knew deep inside that Momo would always treat him good and decent, no matter what. And this knowledge almost drove him insane with guilt.

The first lessons rushed by and he tried to focus on the stuff the teacher was talking about. He didn't leave the classroom until lunch, too afraid that he might bump into a devastated Momo. He pretended to do some homework but felt antsy and tensed. When everyboby was leaving for lunch he took a deep breath and steeled himself for the next move. His eyes searched the corridors for Zhen Xiu and he found her standing at window, rummaging through her bag. He plastered his most charming smile on his face and approached her.

“Looking for your lunchbox?”

She startled and confused looked up to him. She watched over her shoulder but there was nobody else.

“I, well, yes. I must have forgotten it.” 

“What a shame. Mind if I treat you to lunch?”

She eyed him warily, obviously puzzled what this was about.

“Okay. But I pay you back tomorrow.”

He Tian grinned and noticed with relieve how easy it was to slip into the flirty mode.

“So we have lunch together tomorrow? Splendid!”

They went over to the cafeteria and He Tian purposely walked just a little bit too close, his arm accidentally brushing her's from time to time. She seemed surprised but not put off by his unexpected attempts. Heads were turned in surprise and by the time they had reached the cafeteria He Tian was sure they were the newest gossip around school. Involuntarily he let his gaze search for a redhead in the crowd and realized with both relief and disappointment he wasn't there. During lunch they pleasantly chatted about the school project and favorite subjects and He Tian thought that this was not as bad as he had feared. Lunch break was over quickly and He Tian accompanied her back to her class.

“Thanks for the lunch. That was nice”, she said friendly.

“My pleasure. And don't forget, you have to pay me back tomorrow!”

Zhen Xiu smiled delighted and went to her desk. He Tian turned away and strolled to the lavatory, careful to look cool and confident. But as soon as he closed the door to his stall, he buried his head in his hands, letting out a shaky breath. His relaxed face turned into a pained grimace at the thought how cheap and sleazy he was being right now. He needed a few deep breaths to regain his self-composure and stepped out of the stall after flushing the toilet. He threw cold water in his face and avoided the mirror, too ashamed to take a look at himself. Then he stepped out on the lively corridor and went back to his class. Mo Guan Shan wasn't to be seen the whole day.


	6. Chapter 6

A crucial factor why He Tian and Mo Guan Shan matched like two pieces of a puzzle was that they may seem like complete opposites from the outside but where much more alike than one would think. Mo Guan Shan also tended to hide his true feelings, which was a survival strategy as well. He didn't do it with the ease of He Tian, of course. But revealing what he felt and thought was a genuine proof of trust and happened rarely. It usually took a long time until he let someone come so close to him and it always made him feel vulnerable and anxious. He was aware that it had probably something to do this father and the way he had entirely screwed up their life. It left him with the vague feeling that close relationships could be dangerous and crush you life like a tidal wave. So he had sincerely tried to keep an emotional distance to He Tian, like a protective barrier surrounding his heart. He should have tried harder. He Tian tore it down, step by step, and Mo Guan Shan could not resist the pull of his attraction. He let himself be stripped of all restraints and was rewarded with the irresistible feeling of being loved for who he was. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, he told himself that he was deluding himself and that he had nothing to offer to deserve He Tian's affection. That He Tian would grow bored of him and leave him sooner or later. But as the weeks passed, He Tian drew him closer and closer and Mo Guan Shan let himself fall, because He Tian was always there to catch him. And the only logical thing happened: he fell in love. So when He Tian broke up, it filled him not only with unknown despair and sadness but also with deep shame and humiliation. He loathed himself for ignoring the voice in his head warning him of his arrogance and naivete to believe that someone like He Tian could really love him.

The whole week he barely left his bed, too depressed to eat or get up and too tired to sleep. His mom did her best to care for him between her shifts, forcing him to eat something or watch some TV with her. On Saturday morning the next week, she came in his room and wrinkled her nose.

“Mo, it stinks in here. You need to take a shower.”

She opened the curtains and let the morning light shine on his messy room. Mo Guan Shan grunted and turned his face to the wall.

“You have to get up or you gonna be late for work”.

“I'm not going.”

“Yes you are, even if I have to drag you there myself.” His mom replied strictly. “Look, I understand you're having a hard time right now. But you have withdrawn from the world enough for now. And I don't want you to loose you job. I know you can't believe this now but you're gonna feel better once you get your thoughts on something else.”

Mo Guan Shan eyed her skeptical but a look on her stern face told him that resistance was futile. His mom could be stubborn as hell, a trait he had from her. So he reluctantly got up to shower and put on a new set of clothes before making his way to the restaurant where he worked part time as a dishwasher. After holing up in his bed for almost a week, the buzzing in the streets seemed surreal and Mo Guan Shan felt slightly overwhelmed by all the people rushing by, shopping and chatting as if nothing had happened. It obviously was only his world that had stopped turning a week ago. He noticed that again he was drifting in dark thoughts and cursed himself for his self-pity.

Since it was going to be a beautiful day the restaurant was crowded which left Mo Guan Shan busy the whole day. His manager bitched at him for not working fast enough and Mo Guan Shan hurried until his shoulders ached and his shirt was soaked in sweat. The good thing was that the stress diverted his thoughts from He Tian and Mo Guan Shan had to admit that after a long and exhausting day he really felt a bit better. His mom had some useful advice after all. But the small relief didn't last long. As soon as he thought about school the next day, all sadness and pain crushed down on him again, topped by anxiety and stomach-turning nervousness. His mom wasn't at home and after a cold shower he sat in front of the TV, the emptiness of the flat and his waiting bed making him uneasy and afraid.

 

 

When he arrived at school the next day Mo Guan Shan hadn't slept at all. Instead his thoughts had run in the same circles all night, leaving him agitated, tired and stressed in the morning.

“Oi, Mo Guan Shan!”

He turned his head to see Jian Yi, waving at him and approaching him through the crowd of pupils.

“Shit, you look like a ghost! A sick ghost! What's up with you?”

Mo Guan Shan shrugged. “I had the flu”, he muttered.

“Aaaah, that explains why you weren't at school the last week.” Jian Yi looked satisfied by his deduction. Then his face lit up. “So you don't know about the newest hot shit yet!” He made a dramatic pause and lowered his voice. “He Tian is dating a chick from class B, Zhen Xiu. Can you believe it?!”

Mo Guan Shan froze completely and hoped his face didn't reveal the horror the news evoked in him. But Jian Yi just laughed and seemed happy to be the one delivering the brand new gossip.

“Well, who would've thought! I heard he treated her to lunch last Monday and since then they're practically inseparable. I bet some of his fans almost suffered a heart-attack.”

Mo Guan Shan had the impulse to kick him in his balls and shout at him to shut the fuck up but on the outside he was quiet and just a bit paler than before. Before Jian Yi could babble anymore he spotted Zhan Zheng Xi and hurried over to hug him impulsively. Zhan Zheng Xi shook him off, hitting him on the head with his bag.

“I told you not to jump on me like that!”

“Owww, that hurt!”

Jian Yi rubbed his head. Then Zhan Zheng Xi saw Mo Guan Shan and nodded.

“You been sick?”

After their fight some months ago when Mo Guan Shan had hit him with a rock they silently agreed to a cease-fire but there was no real sympathy between them.

“Yeah, had the flu.”

Zhan Zheng Xi nodded again and watched him for some seconds. Whereas Jian Yi was oblivious to most things besides his beloved friend, Zhan Zheng Xi was an attentive observer. Mo Guan Shan felt uneasy and turned to leave.

“See you later”, he mumbled as he stepped into the building. He was already late and switched in his class just before the teacher entered. She greeted him.

“Mo Guan Shan, are you sure you're feeling well again? You still look a bit pale.”

Mo Guan Shan nodded and told her that he was alright before taking his seat. The lessons dragged on and it took all of his concentration to mask the rage he was feeling inside. So He Tian had already moved on, just like he had said. He sure not took his time, Mo Guan Shan thought bitterly. He dreaded the lunch break, being sure he could not avoid to see them in somewhere. Despite his urge to kick Jian Yi in his fucking ass to blurt it out like that Mo Guan Shan was grateful that he had the chance to prepare himself for the encounter. _I will not make that asshole see how he fucked me up_ , he swore to himself. _I will not give him the satisfaction to see me like that. I will show him that he's dead to me now._ He felt how the hatred gave him back some strength and made himself hard and cold inside.

 

 

In the moment He Tian and Zhen Xiu entered the busy cafeteria Mo Guan Shan was waiting in line to pay for his sandwich. He Tian went completely still when he saw him. He looked like shit, white as a sheet and bleary-eyed. Over the last week he must have lost some weight, making his cheeks look hollow. He Tian felt a dozens of feelings well up inside him- shock, compassion, sadness, shame and the urge to run over and pull him in a tight embrace, kissing him and telling he was sorry, that he loved him and would never hurt him again. But instead he felt Zhen Xiu grab his hand.

“There's a free table over there.”

She started to pull him away when Mo Guan Shan suddenly looked up and met He Tian's eyes. He looked startled and surprised for a second but then his face hardened in an emotionless mask. For a second he glared at He Tian before turning away and leaving the cafeteria. He Tian did not know which was worse- the sight of Mo Guan Shan looking like a broken wreck or the expression of outright hatred in his eyes. Zhen Xiu was still dragging him to the table and he shook his head to clear his thoughts and control the feelings that raged inside him. It dawned to him that he had reached his goal: getting a girlfriend and making Mo Guan Shan hate him. Zhen Xiu turned around and squeezed his hand.

“Hey, I'm talking to you! Aren't you listening?”

He Tian lifted his eyebrows and gave her a weak smile. “Sorry, I was shortly distracted.”

“Not by another girl I hope”, Zhen Xiu replied with a wink.

In the short time they went out together He Tian had asserted that Zhen Xiu was indeed intelligent and friendly, but she also had a clingy side and quickly got jealous. He Tian often felt like she was defining and defending her new property due to her habit to constantly touch him or take his hand. It got on his nerves, being an independent character and usually the one giving the orders but he played along. They sat down and Zhen Xiu unpacked their lunch. She was a passionate cook and always brought something to eat for him. He could consider himself lucky, but if he was honest the resemblance to Momo and his guilty conscience made the food taste like cardboard. He forced a smile on his face and thanked her for the food. She chatted about her classes, the dishes she made and an upcoming exam but He Tian's thoughts trailed back to Momo. The last week he'd been glad that he hadn't shown up and told himself that the worst was probably over but now he knew he had been lying to himself. It pained him unbearably that he could not comfort him, not even annoy him until he swore to kick his motherfucking ass. He knew what he had done to him and that there was no way to ease his suffering. It almost drove him crazy and sitting here chatting with Zhen Xiu about some irrelevant nonsense took all of his willpower.

 

 

Outside, Mo Guan Shan threw away his sandwich with his appetite lost. He hurried to the school building and locked himself in the next lavatory, not sure he could face anyone right now. Sitting on the closed lid he buried his face in his hands, tears flowing down his cheeks. He had sworn not to cry, but the encounter with He Tian and the sight of him with this bitch triggered too much in him. He tried to hold back a sob when the door opened and somebody entered the stall next to him. He heard someone pissing and flush before the door closed again with a creak. Mo Guan Shan took some deep breaths, telling himself to get his shit together before stepping out. The reflection in the mirror showed an ashen boy with red-rimmed eyes. Mo Guan Shan quickly averted his gaze and left the lavatory. He did what he always used to do with troubling feelings: he buried them deep inside where they would rot and burn his heart like acid.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Even if it seemed impossible to Mo Guan Shan the earth continued to spin and life went on. He dragged himself to school every day and since he had not any close friends nobody bothered him that much. The pain numbed over time but made Mo Guan Shan even more unsocial than before, his face constantly showing a deep frown. Yian Ji and Zhang Zhen Xi sometimes tried to talk to him but gave up soon. They hadn't really been that close anyway. The few thugs he used to hang out with left him alone after he got into a useless but very aggressive fight over some banal bullshit. Most of the time he was alone and dark clouds troubled his mind. Since he had no classes he shared with He Tian he could manage to avoid him more or less. He missed playing basketball with the others but could not stand the thought of being near him, or even touched by him. And what bothered him even more was this new girl, this fucking bitch, this greedy cunt, clinging by him all the time, cheering at him and making clear to everyone that He Tian was her's. He tried not to think about what they were doing when they were alone, the image of He Tian entangled in her naked body, kissing and caressing her, moaning her name when he came was to much to bear.

Maybe if Mo Guan Shan had more support in his life like friends or a better self-esteem he would be able to cope better. He would still be sad, of course, devastated maybe, or angry, but he probably would not be filled with the bitterness and self-loathing he was feeling now. It had an aggressive and destructive quality, so when She Li came up to him and offered him a job he said yes without hesitating a second, without even asking what kind of job it was.

 

 

Mo Guan Shan was sitting alone on a bench aside the lively crowd of pupils when a shadow cast over him. He looked up from his sandwich and right into the smug face of She Li, accompanied by some of his fellows. She Li flopped next to him on the bench and Mo Guan Shan automatically tensed up.

“What a beautiful day, don't you think?” She Li asked and looked into the clear, blue sky.

Mo Guan Shan was sure he didn't make his way to him to chat about the weather.

“What do you want?” he asked impatiently and nervous.

“I thought we could have a nice conversation. I heard the weather usually is a good entrance to small talk.”

Mo Guan Shan was aware that he was surrounded by She Li's thugs and that he wouldn't stand a chance against them. Being heartbroken unfortunately didn't provide you with superpowers. So he kept silent and waited until She Li came to the point. After some moments, She Li let out an annoyed sigh.

“You know, Mo Guan Shan, small talk is rather boring when you don't engage in a conversation with me.” He let his gaze scan the schoolyard. “Since He Tian is busy getting some pussy I assume you're not under his protection any more?”

Mo Guan Shan's mouth went dry. With a hoarse voice, he answered “I was never under the protection of He Tian, asshole”.

“Oh, really? I remember when he beat my ass up pretty badly that one time. He seemed to be very protective.”

Mo Guan Shan buried his fingers in the wooden bench as a memory plopped up in his mind of He Tian standing in front of him, hand bloody and neck scratched and how he'd wrapped his shirt around his hand, standing way too close to him and feeling a strange tingle inside. She Li chuckled, it sounded mean and Mo Guan Shan felt how hatred and humiliation fogged his mind again.

“Ah, sweet memories. But anyway, I don't want to dwell in the past. Listen, I got a job offer for you. One of my men recently had an... accident so I got a vacancy. I can't give you any details but if you agree, come tonight at the point I message you later. I'll pay good.”

Mo Guan Shan heard himself say “Yes” before he had a chance to think about it and that it probably was a very bad idea.

 

 

Later that evening he was standing at the corner of a deserted and dirty apartment building. He was dressed in jeans and a dark jumper, the hood covering his face. He had never been in this part of town where most of the street lamps where broken and garbage piled up on the sidewalk. From the windows he heard the sound of television and sometimes people arguing and shouting. This was definitely not a safe place to wait alone in the dark. Mo Guan Shan felt nervous and anxious, cussing himself for being so stupid to accept such bullshit. His impulsivity had fucked him once again and he ranted silently as a person stepped out of the shadow. It was a man, average in every aspect and Mo Guan Shan instantly forgot how he looked.

“Are you sent by She Li?” The man asked quietly and looked around.

“Yeah”, Mo Guan Shan only answered and the man nodded.

“You're new, huh?”

“That's none of your fucking business.”

The man chuckled. “You certainly have the right attitude.”

He signaled Mo Guan Shan to accompany him. Mo Guan Shan hesitated for a second but followed him into a backyard close by. Darkness was surrounding them and Mo Guan Shan felt the blood rush in his ears, his stomach nauseous with fear. A battered scooter was parked in a corner and the man produced a backpack that was hidden behind some waste. He shoved the backpack to Mo Guan Shan and handed him the keys.

“You know how to drive?”

Mo Guan Shan nodded, it's been a while but he knew how to handle a scooter.

“Good. Here's the address. Ring the bell three times. You deliver the backpack and bring the scooter back. Let the keys in the lock. That's it.”

Mo Guan Shan looked on the scratch of paper with an unknown address. He nodded, his heart pumping fast. When he looked up, the man had already disappeared in the shadows and Mo Guan Shan swallowed the nervous knot in his throat as he started the scooter and entered the dim streets. He felt like having a huge warning sign on his back and flashlights indicating he was doing something illegal, but he just passed the other drivers on the streets like a regular teenager on his way home, nobody paying any attention to him. With the help of his navigation system he quickly found the address and rang the bell three times. Nervously glancing around, he waited several moments before he heard rummaging behind the door. It opened a crack and a hand appeared.

“Gimme the backpack”, a harsh voice ordered before bursting into a fit of coughing.

Mo Guan Shan handed it over and the door was slammed close, leaving him in the dark. He slowly turned and walked over to the scooter. The drive back was without any incidents and after Mo Guan Shan had parked the scooter and hurried to the bus station he felt himself go slack as the strain left his body. He reckoned it had been drugs he just had drove through half the town and couldn't believe it went so smooth. When he reached home he felt dead tired and for the first time in weeks he slept like a stone, deep and dreamless.

 

 

Even if he may seem like a badass from the outside, Momo was not very brave, or courageous or even really delinquent, so it surprised him how easy he slipped into the obviously illegal delivery of goods (he was never told what goods exactly, but was fairly sure it was drugs). The jobs were mostly alike- getting a meeting point one hour in advance, quick exchange and he was off to an address somewhere in the town. She Li seemed satisfied and passed him envelopes filled with cash in school. Since he was going mostly late at night he was so tired that he felt into deep slumber way past midnight. Of course he was worried what would happen to him when he got caught, knowing that he would be in serious trouble. But since he could not imagine how his life could get more fucked-up as it was already, it didn't stop him from continuing. In a perverse, masochistic way he even almost enjoyed the danger.

She Li was happy to have found an idiot who willingly offered him for the dirty work. He was still pissed at He Tian for the humiliation of kicking his ass in front of the entire school and it made him even happier to fuck up his former protege. He just not hold back to rub it into his face when he ran into him at the schoolyard. He Tian was not accompanied by his girlfriend and She Li seized the opportunity. He bumped his shoulder a little bit harder than necessary. He Tian glared at him, his face annoyed.

“What do you want, asshole?”

She Li grinned at him. “Did you know your Redhead recently joined my little business?”

He Tian's face froze. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

She Li let out an amused giggle. “Well, I had a feeling he was a pathetic loser but maybe useful one day, so since he's not your princess anymore I decided to hire him. And you know what?” He looked at He Tian provocative. “He is such a good pet. I can't understand why you wouldn't keep him.”

He Tian looked like he would burst into rage any second and She Li was deeply satisfied how the news affected him.

“Well, good for me.”

He turned away and strolled towards the school building. He Tian stood petrified on his spot. Momo was doing the dirty work for this asshole? His first impulse was to slap him for being so fucking stupid and getting himself in trouble before beating this bastard She Li to a pulp. His thoughts raced between the urge to protect Mo Guan Shan and the necessity to keep his distance. He came to the conclusion that right now She Li was the immediate risk. Mo Guan Shan probably wouldn't even listen to him but he had to talk to him, at least try to warn him. He hurried back to the school building and rushed to Mo Guan Shan's classroom where he waited on the corridor. He felt worked up and guilty. _This is because of me. Why am I not able to protect anything?_ Desperation filled him and he restlessly walked up and down in front of the classroom. Eventually the door of the class opened, releasing a chatting stream of pupils, some of them gaping at him in surprise. His eyes nervously searched for Mo Guan Shan. He left as the last one and once again He Tian was shocked how exhausted and hollow he looked. Mo Guan Shan didn't see him, his gaze was fixed on the floor, his expression tired.

“Momo”, He Tian said quietly and stepped closer, the other pupils rushing by. Mo Guan Shan froze and looked at He Tian. Surprise and pain flickered over his face for a second before it became hard again. Without saying a word, he turned and passed He Tian, leaving him standing in the corridor. He Tian followed him but Mo Guan Shan quickened his step, his head bowed.

“Fuck, Momo, wait!”

He Tian grabbed his arm and yanked him backwards to pull him into an empty classroom. He tried to free his arm but He Tian held him in a firm grip. Mo Guan Shan didn't look at him and his voice was cold as ice.

“What do you want from me?”

He Tian winced when he saw how terrible Mo Guan Shan looked close up. The skin under his eyes was purple, his eyes red-rimmed, skin pale and unhealthy. Swallowing hard he had to suppress the urge to kiss those eyes and stroke the soft skin.

“Fuck, let me go.”

Mo Guan Shan tried to step away, his eyes still averting He Tian's.

“Momo, I have to talk to you.”

He Tian pulled him closer and felt Mo Guan Shan tense up.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“She Li talked to me. He said you were working for him now? Don't do that.” He Tian lowered his voice. “Please.”

Mo Guan Shan drew in a sharp breath and looked in his face. Bitterness and hatred were written on his features.

“And why the fuck should you give a shit who I work for?” He snorted. “It's none of your fucking business anymore. So piss off and leave me alone.”

He Tian fastened his grip.

“Fuck, Momo, you don't know what you're doing. She Li is a lying bastard.”

Mo Guan Shan's eyes were full of contempt, his mouth a sharp line. “And so are you. Why should I listen to anything coming from you?”

Some moments passed as they were staring at each other, until He Tian loosened his grip and Mo Guan Shan yanked his arm free.

“Don't you ever dare talking to me again or I'll crush every fucking bone of you.”

He Tian was left alone in the classroom. Mo Guan Shan was furious, why would this bastard give a shit? _He has no right to stick his fucking nose in my business, even of I was working for fucking Satan himself._ He felt tears of rage in his eyes and blinked them away. There was no way he would ever listen to anything to what that fucker had to say. _I'll do whatever I fucking want_ , Mo Guan Shan thought bitterly. And so despite his honorable intentions He Tian had accomplished the exact opposite of what he wanted.


	8. Chapter 8

When Mo Guan Shan tortured himself with images of He Tian having passionate sex with Zhen Xiu, he couldn't know that he was completely mistaken. In the almost three weeks they were dating, there hadn't been more than kissing and some halfhearted groping. Zhen Xiu began to grow impatient, so she decided to took matters into her hands by preparing a romantic dinner and opening a bottle of expensive red wine. Beside the fact that he was incredibly handsome, He Tian was an attentive and caring boyfriend and she sometimes asked herself how the hell she got so lucky. She smiled, satisfied with the nicely set table. In the bathroom she put on some decent make-up and dressed in a slim-fitting but not too sexy dress, her mood lifting when she thought about the evening.

 

 

In another part of town Mo Guan Shan was waiting for the delivery man, shivering from the cold wind as he stood behind a closed down bakery. The streets were deserted and Momo longingly thought of the comfy couch and a warm cup of tea at home, this had to go quick. He startled when he heard a clattering noise from the distance and his senses sharpened at once. A figure appeared out of the dark, approaching Momo.

“Asshole, can't you keep quiet!” Momo hissed and his eyes scanned the windows.

But the man didn't answer him. Suddenly, Momo noticed a movement in the corner of his eyes. He turned his head and saw a another person coming over. _Shit. This is not good._ he thought as his mouth went dry and his pulse quickened.

“What the fuck man” he blurted out but stopped when a third man came over.

And he was wearing a baseball bat. _Shit. This is not good at all._ Momo backed up until he was pressed on the brick wall and brought himself in a defensive position.

“What the fuck do you want?” he growled.

The first man was only a few feet away. “We don't like concurrence in our district. Your employer seemed to have forgotten that but we do hate unknwon bastards sticking their ugly noses in our business. So we want to give him a little reminder.”

In the dark, Momo could't recognize his face but he heard the smug grin in his voice. _Fuck. I'm screwed._ Despite the chilly wind he sweated and his pulse raced. He knew instinctively that there was no chance to talk him out of this shit so he gritted his teeth and balled his fists. The three men had gathered around him, blocking his way and they stood for some moments that felt like years. Momo's gaze went from on to the other, trying to see from where the first hit was coming. So when one the men jumped at him he managed to block the kick and hit him in the guts, making grunt in pain. Momo tried to avert the next blow with his arm and kick the man in the balls, but he could not stand a chance against the three of them. A hard punch in is face made him see stars and he felt blood rush from his nose, tears streaming down his face. A kick in his stomach made him almost puke and he doubled over, coughing blood. His vision was blurred and so he couldn't see from where the next hit was coming. He felt a sharp pain in his chest and was sure his ribs were broken by the bat as hard hits and kicks crashed onto him. The men continued to attack him brutally, panting and punching noises and Mo Guan Shan whimpering in pain was everything to be heard for some minutes. All he could to was to try to protect his head with his hands. After a while the men stepped away, all breathing hard. The first one spoke up.

“Never show your cunt face around again or we'll crush your skull.”

A raised fist and a splitting pain in his head were the last things Mo Guan Shan remembered before everything went black.

 

 

Earlier that evening He Tian was dressing himself in a casual shirt, not wanting to look overdressed. He was surprised and felt a bit caught when Zhen Xiu invited him over to dinner the other day. He had carefully avoided to meet her in a overly intimate setting, sensing that she wanted to take their relationsship to the next level. But since he had no reason to refuse the invitation he feigned joy and surprise. Sooner or later he had to sleep with her, but the thought alone made him cringe and he was unsure how to even get it up. When he had to jerk off in the days since he broke up because the pressure in his balls got too much he tried to think of Zhen Xiu, imagining her firm tits and soft pussy but his mind always returned to Momo, leaving him desperate and ashamed. So when he called a cab and gave the driver the direction, he couldn't suppress a nervous feeling.

Zhen Xiu opened the door and He Tian had to admit that she looked stunning. Her dress brought out her decent curves without looking slutty and she even had put on some make-up, but not too much. She beamed at him and pulled him in a tight embrace. He Tian felt her soft breasts touching his chest and put his arms around her. When he felt her tongue teasing his lips, he chuckled and released himself gently from her arms.

“Jeez, I've not even come in and get such a greeting.”

She smiled seductively at him. “And that is just the beginning.”

He Tian tried not to feel trapped and sniffed to change the subject. “It smells delicious!”

Zhen Xiu took him by the hand and pulled him into the living room (a gesture that had established between them way more than He Tian was comfortable with) and guided him to his seat.

“I made something special tonight. It's a beef stew with vegetables and chili.”

He Tian felt his blood go cold. What kind of cruel coincident was that? He forced himself to smile.

“That sounds fantastic. You're really spoiling me, I'm gonna get fat and lazy.”

Zhen Xiu laughed. “I don't care. I'd still like you!”

After dinner they sat on the couch and Zhen Xiu scooter closer to him, the mood between them shiftening suddenly.

“That was a very nice dinner”, she purred in his ear.

She took He Tian's face and gently turned him to look at her.

“And I know what would be even nicer.”

He Tian swallowed, realizing that this was the part where he had to play along, so he leaned in and softly kissed her lips. She hummed and intensified the kiss, pulling He Tian closer, teasing his mouth with her tongue. He Tian opened his lips and let her tongue enter. He suppressed the feeling of repulsion and tried to focus solely on the physical experience and let his body react. They continued kissing for a while before Zhen Xiu sat back, her eyes sultry and her cheeks flushed.

“Let's go to bed”, she said and took him by the hand.

He Tian trailed behind her, forcing his mind to go blank and just let his body take over, he was a young man after all so fucking shouldn't be a problem. In her bedroom, she slowly undressed herself, letting the dress slide to the floor before she walked over He Tian, wearing only her lingerie. Her hands slid under his shirt, gently stroking his muscular chest and arms. She got on her toes to captured his mouth in another kiss, letting her hand trail down and stroke his dick through his pants. He Tian drew in a sharp breath at the contact, feeling the blood rush to his cock. He couldn't help but feel relieved that his body just reacted to the physical stimulation and closed his eyes. His hands touched Zhen Xiu's body and he felt her soft skin and gentle curves. She sighed and smiled in the kiss, slowly pulling him backwards to her bed, where she getnly pushed him down. He Tian usually wasn't used to be handled like this and was not quite sure how he felt about giving Zhen Xiu the command but given his mixed feelings he was glad he didn't have to pretend eager passion. She straddled him and started to kiss his neck, licking and biting the soft skin. She twirled her tongue around his nipples and he bite back a groan. He was fully erect by now and concentrated his attention on Zhen Xiu's touches, her hands and tongue. She seemed pleased with his reactions and slowly pulled down the zipper of his pants to take his cock in her mouth. He Tian groaned and closed his eyes. Zhen Xiu was sucking the tip of his cock, stroking the base with one hand as she let the other roam his body.

He Tian enjoyed the feeling of her hot mouth surrounding his cock, giving in to the pleasure and involunatrily let go of some of the forced self-control. As he slowly let down his mental guards and gave into his arousal, a picture of Momo suddenly popped up his mind with such a clarity like he was being present- his soft lips closed tightly around his cock, a skilled tongue pleasuring his gland and the sensitive tip exactly as he liked it, his eyes shut closed and short red hair ruffled. He saw Momo's head bounce up and down and try to swallow as much of his cock as he could, his tip sometimes brushing the back of his throat. He Tian groaned and felt himself getting harder as he instinctively reached down to push his cock even further inside that wet, hot, gorgeous mouth. Zhen Xiu let out a surprised gasp and tilted her head up. He Tian was ripped out of his fantasy and looked in her irritated face that was pretty but definitely not Momo's. His arousal crackled in a second, making all the blood rush out of his cock. Zhen Xiu sat up, bemused by the limp, useless thing in front of her. He Tian covered his hands in his face and tried to explain.

“Shit, I'm sorry”.

Zhen Xiu sat next to him, not facing him but her voice revealed her disappointment.

“What's going on? Was I that bad?” Her voice was insecure and irritated.

He Tian tried to calm her down. “No, no, you did nothing wrong! It's just that I...”, he didn't know how to continue. “I'm under a lot of pressure lately. It has nothing to do with you. I'm sorry.”

He sighed and touched her arm, but she flinched away. He sat up and looked at her.

“Hey, I'm sorry, it has nothing to do with you.” He put an arm around her naked shoulders.

“Maybe you want some...”, he said and suggestively looked down at her panties.

Although he wasn't too keen on licking her pussy, he knew he had to improvise something to get him out of this embarrassing, fucked-up situation. But he had managed to completely screw the mood and Zhen Xiu got up and put back on her dress.

“Maybe you should go.”

“What? But I said I'm sorry, we can try-”

“I get the feeling that you don't wanna have sex with me at all.”

Zhen Xiu interrupted him, sounding hurt. “That's why you should go now.”

He Tian knew there was no point in arguing so he pulled his trousers up and grabbed his shirt. Zhen Xiu brought him silently to the door. He Tian tried to apologize for the last time but she just looked on the floor, saying nothing.

“Call me, please?”, he said pleadingly before she shut the door without even saying good-bye.

He Tian had the urge to scream, slapping himself for his unforgivable stupidity. He could not believe that he had fucked up this. A cab brought him home but he couldn't remember anything from the drive. Almost the whole night he sat on his couch in the dark, the only light coming from the flickering of commercial signs and headlights from the street, the cold impersonal glow making him feel detached from the world. He didn't know how long he sat there. He just knew that for the first time in his life, he had somehow lost all control. Everything just slipped out of his hands and scrambled to dust, falling apart. Never in his life has he experienced something alike and he felt overstrained and entirely unable to cope with his helplessness.

 

 

The next day in school Zhen Xiu was reserved and cold, he seemed to have severely hurt her feelings. He tried to be attentive and even nicer than usual but she wasn't reacting to his attempts, leaving him frustrated and annoyed. Despite his preoccupation with fixing their first crisis he could not fail to notice that Mo Guan Shan wasn't coming to school.

When Mo Guan Shan didn't come the next day, and the next, He Tian decided to ask his home teacher if she knew something. She was a shy young teacher and seemed flustered when He Tian smiled at her and asked for a minute of her time.

“Sure, classmate He Tian, what can I do for you?”

“I wanted to ask if you know why classmate Mo Guan Shan isn't coming to school. Only of course if you're allowed to tell me.” He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial tone.

She blushed a bit and fidgeted with her hair. “I'm not actually allowed to say-”

“I won't tell anyone”, He Tian said lowly, looking deeply into her eyes.

She nervously nodded and hesitated for a second before becoming suddenly serious.

“Well, it's no good news. He had an accident and lies in the hospital since the weekend. The injuries weren't a danger to life but still severe. He won't come back in a while.”

She was saying more but He Tian couldn't hear the words, his mind racing. He startled when she gently touched his arm. Her voice was full of concern.

“Classmate He Tian, are you alright? You look pale.”

He Tian nodded and gave her a narrow smile but couldn't quite hide his shock.

“I must admit I'm surprised you didn't know. I thought you two were close friends.”

She still had her small, warm hand touching his arm and He Tian tried to keep his voice normal.

“You don't happen to know in which hospital he's in?”

She looked at him puzzled. “I think the one where his mother works.” He Tian didn't answer.

“You want to sit down for a moment?”, the teacher asked worried.

He Tian shook his head and thanked her with a hollow voice before leaving the classroom.

The news agitated him deeply and he immediately decided to skip the rest of his classes, being sure not to be able to concentrate anyway. He sneaked out of the school property by climbing over a fence that was hidden behind some trees. Out on the streets he took his direction to the hospital the teacher had told him. In the second he had heard Momo was in hospital he knew he had to see him. Guilt was creeping upon him, mixed with worries and the feeling that it might be a huge mistake to see him, but fuck this, he just couldn't hold himself back. When he arrived at the hospital he took some deep breaths, trying to cover up his agitated state before going to the counter and asking the nurse where Momo's room was. She threw him a bored glance and told him the number.

“Visiting hour ends in about 30 minutes!” she harshly called after him as he practically ran to the elevator.

He got lost in the chaotic and confusing hallways, all looking the same to him but eventually found the right room. He stood in front of the door and tried to calm his breathing when he suddenly felt insecure about his visit. All the way he had been driven by the urge to see Momo, but standing in front of his door he remembered that Momo made it very clear that he never wanted to see him again. _What the fuck am I doing here?_ He thought with a bitter feeling. _I have no right to be here._ His hands were trembling and he closed his eyes, standing indecisively in front of the door when he heard a familiar voice calling his name. He turned his head and saw Mo Guan Shan's mother dressed in her scrubs, a surprised look on her face.

“What are you doing here?”

He Tian wasn't sure what to say. “I heard from Momo's home teacher that he's... that he had...” his voiced cracked and he went silent.

Mo Guan Shan's mother watched him, she looked tired and strained. “I don't think he wants to see you.” Her gaze fell on the floor. “It's been very hard for him lately.”

He Tian just nodded, he didn't dare to meet her eyes. He could understand she was being protective, but her words deeply hurt him.

“I think you should go. Mo won't be in school for some time.” A nurse called her name. “I have to get back to work now.” She paused. “You should go.”

For some moments he stood lost in the sterile hospital corridor before he turned to leave. _For the second time in a week I was thrown out_ , he thought depressed when he emerged on the streets.

 

 

He was underwater. A deep green surrounded him and he felt weightless, floating around in a dark nothing. Speckles of light were reflected above him, broken on the surface. He smiled and closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of escaping gravity when he suddenly remembered that he wasn't able to breath under water. Terror grabbed him and he let out a strangled sound as the water filled his lungs, making him suffocate. Momo awoke with jolt from his deep, painkiller induced sleep that felt more like a coma. Panting heavily he drew in the air, shaking off the horrible feeling of drowning. His mom napped next to him, sitting cricked on a hard plastic chair. He heard quiet snoring from one of the other patients in his room, the beds were separated by curtains to provide at least an illusion of privacy. He felt thirsty and tried to grab his glass from the night stand, the small movement making him grit his teeth in pain. His mother awoke and rubbed the hair out of her face.

“Mo, let met help you.”

She hurried over to hand him the glass and let him drink with a straw. His hands were in bandages, like most parts of his badly bruised body. His face was unfamiliar with a black eye swollen to a slit and a thick bandage covering his broken nose. She winced when she looked at him, sympathy almost breaking her heart seeing her son like this. He drank most ofthe water and sunk back in the bed. His faced distorted in pain, some his ribs were broken. He glanced at her, noticing the dark circles under her eyes and the wrinkles. She looked like she had aged ten years in the past days.

“Mom, you should go home and sleep.” Mo Guan Shan quietly said. “I'm fine and I'll still be here tomorrow.”

She looked at him and lightly shook her head. “Sweetie, I'm going nowhere. I'm fine. Just a bit tired.”

Mo Guan Shan started to insist but she threw him a stubborn glance and he shut up. Suddenly she seemed to remember something and uncomfortably shifted in her chair.

“What's up mom?”

She hesitated and cleared her throat. “I'm not sure if I should tell you-”

“What should you not tell me?” Mo Guan Shan asked, alarmed.

She sighed and let out a deep breath. “He Tian was here today.”

Mo Guan Shan sat up with a jolt and let our a wince of pain. “What? When?”

“This morning. He said your home teacher told him you're here.” She looked at him apologetic. “I told him to leave.”

Mo Guan Shan grabbed the sheets, his face even paler. “What did he want here?” he asked with a trembling voice.

His mom shrugged helpless. “He didn't say. I think he just wanted to visit you.” She paused. “To be honest, he looked terrible. Like he hadn't slept in weeks.”

Mo Guan Shan shut his eyes and let himself sink in the bed. His mom sat next to him and gently touched his cheek.

“I'm sorry, Mo”, she said softly.

His eyes were sad when he looked at her. "Please mom, I think I want to be alone a bit.”

She seemed unsure but nodded. “Okay. I'll be here tomorrow. Call me when you need something.”

She bent over him and placed a kiss on his forehead before she quietly left the room. Mo Guan Shan lay awake for a long time. The hospital was never silent- snores, shuffling, beeping and unfamiliar sounds from machines, nurses walking by with screeching shoes, snippets of conversation and laughter, sometimes. Too many thoughts were racing through his mind- why had He Tian been here? What did he want? And what did his mother meant he looked terrible? Wasn't he happy with his chick? But why did he come here? His head span and he felt tired and exhausted but too worked up to sleep. Around three am he rang for a nurse to give him some of the strong, all-numbing pain killers that always hit him like a wadded hammer. With a fogged mind he shortly after felt into dreamless sleep.

 

 

Despite her hurt and miffy attitude Zhen Xiu invited He Tian over for dinner the next Friday. He accepted gladly, hoping they would make it a more successful evening and forget the embarrassing incident. Armed with a bouquet of pretty flowers and a bottle of champagne he waited in front of her apartment, ignoring the slightly nervous feeling and slipping into his most charming mode. Much to his relieve it still worked so when she opened the door, he flashed her his most beautiful smile and handed her the flowers. Her face lit up in surprise.

“You look stunning”, He Tian said, making her blushing a bit.

“Thank you. Wow, these are beautiful.” She admired the carefully arranged bouquet and smiled happily at He Tian. “Thank you. Come in.”

He entered in the apartment and sniffed the air. “Hmmm, this smells delicious.”

Arranging the flowers in a vase she turned round and smiled at him.

“I hope you like it.”

“I'm sure I will”, He Tian said and stepped over to pull her in a tight embrace. At first she seemed to tense up but soon relaxed and tightened the embrace.

“I'm sorry I screwed it up last time. It won't happen again”, He Tian mumbled in her hair that smelled faintly like vanilla.

She nodded and looked in his face. “Okay. I'll accept you apology.”

Taking his hand, she let him to the table.

“Now let's eat and open this fantastic looking champagne.”

He Tian smiled and felt a load fall off of him. The dinner was pleasant, Zhen Xiu luckily was no vengeful character. The champagne lifted their mood and after cleaning up the plates He Tian took her in his arms and started to kiss her softly. She reacted instantly and deepened the kiss, pressing her body to his chest. He Tian leaded her to the couch, where he lay Zhen Xiu on her back, tenderly nibbling her neck and stroking the soft breasts. She sighed and let He Tian continue kissing his way downwards.

Why was He Tian so eager tonight? He honestly liked Zhen Xiu, she was nice and smart and almost didn't go on his nerves. But he definitely was not in love with her, let alone loved her. So when he took the initiative it was rather to convince himself of his ability to perform, confident that if he would just try hard enough he could make her satisfied and this whole thing work somehow. And in the beginning he did a good job, telling from the small moans coming from Zhen Xiu. Since He Tian like every other boy (and most girls) watched tons of straight porn he knew more or less what to do where. He let his hands slide under her dress and gently touched her pussy through her laced panties. She moaned and he proceeded to stroke her until she was panting heavily. He slowly pulled her lingerie down and threw them on the carpet. Her sex was wet and glistening and seeing a pussy up close for the first time he could not help feel excited. Yes, this was arousing, he noticed gladly. He cupped her ass with his hands and pulled her hips to the edge of the couch. Zhen Xiu moaned loudly as he gave her pussy a wet lick. Telling from her sounds he tried to get the good spots, making her squirm and gasp on the cushions. Shortly after she grabbed his hair and panted

“He Tian, I'm close!”

and he merciless sucked and licked her swollen clit, making her come with a loud cry. He Tian licked his lips, her juices tasting a bit weird. She looked at him and smiled happily before slowly pulling him up on her. He noticed he was hard and took it as a promising sign that he wouldn't fail again. They kissed and Zhen Xiu pulled up his shirt and let her hands rub the fronts of his pants, making him gasp at the contact.

“I want to sleep with you”, she purred in his ear. “Now.”

He Tian nodded but then remembered protection.

“Do you have any condoms?” he whispered in her ear.

“Shit”, she muttered and shoved him off to fetch them from the bathroom. “Don't go anywhere”, she playfully said before disappearing around the corner.

He Tian sat on the couch, his trousers open and his half hard cock pushing against his briefs. He sighed, letting his head fall back on the back of the couch and closed his eyes for a second. So far, this wasn't so bad, he thought. Not comparable to Momo, of course.

His eyes flew open. He could slap himself. _Why the fuck do I have to think of him now?_ He tried to suppress the image of Momo's face, looking at him with this terribly sad eyes and instantly felt himself deflate. He groaned in despair, his mood darkening by the second. Zhen Xiu came back from the bathroom, in her hand a condom and a small bottle of lube.

She sat on his lap and purred “Where were we?”

In order to distract himself from the intruding memories He Tian firmly grabbed her ass and focused on Zhen Xiu, her soft breasts and warm body. But the more he tried to fight back the face of Momo in his mind, the more forceful it became. He felt increasingly desperate and kissed Zhen Xiu with an almost aggressive intensity. Despite feeling a bit overwhelmed she lay on her back, this was what she wanted in a long time after all and pulled He Tian close. She spread her legs and searched for his dick. When she touched it, it was soft and limp so she stroked it gently to make it hard again. He Tian squeezed his eyes shut, focusing all of his attention to her caresses, but it was in vain. He could not get hard again, and after some minutes, his dick still dangled sadly between them. Zhen Xiu looked down and frowned.

“What's up?” she asked irritated.

He Tian gave up and sat back on his heels. His hands rubbed over his face.

“Fuck, I don't know. I just can't....” His voice trailed off, he had no idea how to continue.

Zhen Xiu also sat up, pulling her knees against her chest.

“What's wrong with you?” she asked after a pause.

He Tian shook his head. “I'm sorry, I can't explain.”

She let out a sob and pulled her knees tighter. “It's almost like every time I get close to you, you draw back.”

He Tian just sat silently on the couch, not a single word in his head. Just desperation and the feeling that he had fucked it up for good. He didn't dare think about the consequences. She wept quietly and he tried to put an arm around her, comforting her. But she just shoved him away and looked in his face, her expression full of hurt and incomprehension.

“I'm sick of this. I want you to leave. You're a fucking asshole.”

She stood up and went to the bathroom, slamming the door. He Tian sat for some more moments on the couch before he slowly put his clothes back on and walked through the door.

Outside the building he took a deep breath in the chilly evening air. He had the urge to scream, to burst something, to hit the walls with his knuckles until they bled, anything to take away the wave of despair, humiliation and the certainty that he had completely, utterly failed. Digging the heels of his hands in his eyes, he groaned loudly before leaving the building and entering the busy streets. He walked looking down on the sidewalk, unaware of the couples, friends or colleagues off to a nice evening with drinks and food. Without noticing his steps took him to the cheaper and dirtier part of town until he stopped near the bus station he knew too well. He snapped out of his agonizing thoughts and realized he was on the way to Mo Guan Shan's flat. He Tian swallowed. The impulse to see Momo was almost unnaturally strong, and even though he knew it was probably one of the stupidest ideas he ever came up with he knew the second he realized where he was that he could not resist. The evening was already fucked up so badly, what did he have to lose after all? He carefully searched the streets for any signs of his father's surveillance but could not detect anything suspicious. He seemed to have let him off the hook, for now. He quickened his steps and after some minutes he stood in front of the door he knew like his own.

With trembling hands, he breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm his racing heart.


	9. Chapter 9

“It's the NBA, idiot”, Mo Guan Shan mumbled. 

The retard in the quiz show on the TV could not seriously not know in which league Micheal Jordan played. He sighed annoyed as the candidate sweated and was about to chose the wrong answer. On his own demand he was released from the hospital yesterday, he could not bare the constant beeping, talking, farting and other disgusting human noises for one day longer. Because his mom had promised to take good care of him the doctors finally gave in. She was working the night shift and so he had zapped into this brainless TV show where the dim-witted candidate obviously had no clue about the most basic knowledge of sports. 

Swearing at this stupidity, he almost didn't hear the tentative knock on the door. He instantly scared stiff, his mind going blank with fear. What if it was the thugs from the other day again? But why should they know where he lived? His throat was dry as sand and his heart hammered wildly in his chest. He didn't dare to move and sat motionless on the couch when he heard another knock. Scanning the living room for anything that could be used as a weapon he stood behind the door and asked with a shaking voice “Who's there?” After a short pause a familiar voice answered. 

“Momo, it's me.” 

Mo Guan Shan's heart skipped a beat. He was hugely relieved that he didn't have a surprise visit from the baseball bat again but wasn't sure if this was so much better. He opened the door a bit, He Tian really was standing in front of him. 

“What are you doing here?” He was so surprised he forgot for a second how pissed he still was at him. 

He Tian said nothing and looked on the floor. After some moments, Mo Guan Shan asked again. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Finally He Tian answered. “Can I come in? Please.” 

Mo Guan Shan was too perplex to protest. He Tian was right here on his doorstep, alive and in person, and even asked nicely? He stepped aside and He Tian hesitantly came in. He instantly felt at home in the familiar living room, smelling like Momo and felt something deep inside relax a tiny bit or the first time in weeks. In the flickering light radiating from the TV Mo Guan Shan saw what his mother had meant when she told him He Tian looked terrible. He had lost weight and looked tired, deeply exhausted somehow. But worst of all his face had lost the confident and smug expression which made everything go easy, grinning at the world as if it all was an amusing play. No, this face was desperate, sad, tired and insecure. Mo Guan Shan felt a rush of sympathy before remembering that this asshole had every fucking right to look like shit and the brief warm feeling quickly was covered by anger and irritation about the sudden visit. 

“What are you doing here?”, he asked for the third time.

Still no answer and Mo Guan Shan felt himself get increasingly pissed at his weird behavior. 

“Got thrown out by your girlfriend?” His voice had a sharp and sarcastic edge. 

He Tian stood motionless like a statue in his living room, his gaze on the carpet as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. The silence dragged on, making Mo Guan Shan go cold with rage. But just when he was about shout at him something completely unexpected happened: He Tian burst into tears. Streams of tears suddenly flowed down his cheeks and he buried his face in his hands, loud sobs escaped his mouth, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably. Mo Guan Shan was completely dumbfounded. He could have dealt with mocking, anger, even cruelty but seeing He Tian breaking down like this was too much for him to take. He was torn between the urge to hug him and to run away screaming, but all he could do was to stand trapped on his spot and wait until He Tian calmed down a bit, wiping his face with his sleeve. His voice sounded hoarse and weak. 

“Fuck Momo, I screwed everything up.” 

Mo Guan Shan didn't know what to say, he felt helpless and confused. Eventually he asked “What do you mean?” 

He Tian looked at him, in his eyes only despair and hopelessness. 

“Everything. I screwed up everything.” 

A sob shook his body again and he clutched his hand above his mouth. Mo Guan Shan shook his head. 

“I don't understand.” 

He Tian didn't answer and Mo Guan Shan felt a sudden flash of anger, what the fuck did he want? Why did he came here, acting like this, making a fucking scene out of nowhere? Why couldn't he leave him alone? 

“Don't you have to be with your girlfriend?”, he spat bitterly. 

He Tian just shook his head. “I... we... She really threw me out.” 

Mo Guan Shan felt something snap inside and almost jumped at him in fury. His hands balled in fists as he shouted at him.  

“You have the fucking nerve to bother me because your bitch ditched you? Are you out of your fucking mind?” 

He turned around in frustration, he could not face this unbelievable bastard right now. 

“Get out”, he said pressed, his head hurt and his whole body was trembling. “Get out you bastard. I can't believe you dare to come here for comfort.” His voice was shaking with rage. “Or did you already get tired of fucking her as you got tired of fucking me?” 

He Tian winced. “I didn't fuck her”, he muttered barely audible. 

Mo Guan Shan frowned confused. “What did you say?” 

He Tian looked at his shoes, shoulders hanging. 

“I did not fuck her”, he said a bit louder, his voice embarrassed. 

“What? Why?” Mo Guan Shan asked and bit his lips, why the fuck would he want to hear any details? 

He Tian closed his eyes in shame and said nothing. 

“Forget it”, Mo Guan Shan mumbled. “I don't give a shit about your fucking sex life anyway.” 

They stood in an awkward silence for some moments when He Tian quietly muttered "I couldn't get it up.” 

Mo Guan Shan again couldn't believe what he heard. “What?” 

Finally He Tian faced him, his eyes were hard and full of shame. “I couldn't get it up.” 

Mo Guan Shan let out a weird snob between laughter and irritation. 

“You couldn't get it up? Are you fucking kidding me? Am I supposed to believe this shit?” He shook his head in disbelief. “You're practically half hard all the time”. 

He Tian averted his gaze and grimaced. “That's only when I'm with you”, he mumbled after a long pause. 

Mo Guan Shan gaped at him, his head spun with confusion. What was he saying? Why wouldn't he get it up with...? And what did he mean, only with him? He couldn't understand any of this shit and already regretted to have let him in. He Tian looked at him with an incredible sadness in his eyes. 

“What are you talking about?” Mo Guan Shan whispered soundless. 

“I'm so sorry, Momo. I screwed it all up,” He Tian answered before turning around. “I should leave.” 

Out of an impulse, Mo Guan Shan called him back. “Wait!” 

He Tian turned around and looked at him. 

“What the fuck He Tian? You can't just come here and say such weird stuff and then piss off like nothing happened. I still don't understand what you're saying and you owe me an explanation for coming here.” 

There were too many thoughts in He Tian's head, too many emotions in his chest but as he saw Momo standing there with his bruised face and bandaged hands, injured and puzzled and angry and so _Momo_ he instinctively decided to fuck all caution. He felt like he could not bare another sleepless, agonizing night. He hesitated but knew he already had made his decision. 

“You remember the night when I met my father?” 

Momo nodded, of course he remembered, it was the evening before this whole shit happened. 

“Yeah, of course I do. What about it?” 

“That night my father threatened me. He had somehow found out about you. Us. He was furious.” His gaze went inwards as he saw the pure hatred on his father's features. “I never had thought he could act so cruel on me. So aggressive”, he added more to himself. With a shudder he tried to shake off the anxiety and trepidation triggered by the memory. He looked at Mo Guan Shan. 

“He threatened to destroy not only my life but also yours if we would continue seeing each other.” 

Mo Guan Shan's looked at him confused, his brown eyes troubled and unsure. 

“So I did the only thing I could do to protect you.” He Tian swallowed. “I left you.” 

The silence that fell between them after his words was strained and heavy, you could practically hear Mo Guan Shan thinking. He tried to understand what He Tian just had told him. Tonight, everything seemed to be too fast, too much for his brains. 

“So when you said you would move on, you didn't really... you weren't....” he trailed off, not knowing how to finish the sentence. 

He started anew. “So you were just trying to protect me?” 

He Tian timidly looked at him and nodded slightly. Mo Guan Shan grabbed his hair in a desperate gesture and shook his head. 

“Fuuuuck. Wow. This is.” He paused. “I didn't know this.” 

He Tian's words evoked a whole range of emotions- he was relived, deeply puzzled, happy, baffled, still a bit pissed, it was all too much. His gaze fell on his bandaged hands. 

“That didn't work out too well, huh”, he said with a crooked smile and faced He Tian. 

They eyed each other for some seconds before Mo Guan Shan let out an exasperated breath. 

“You are such a fucking idiot.” 

He took a step towards He Tian. 

“Why didn't you just talk to me?” 

He took another step. 

“We could have worked something out.” 

After the next step he was standing so close he could feel He Tian's breath on his face. 

“Instead you act like the biggest fucking idiot.” 

He Tian stared at him, astonishment and embarrassment in his eyes. It had never occurred to him that he could talk it out with Momo. As always he just had assumed that he had to solve this on his own. 

He Tian swallowed and looked on the floor. “I'm so sorry Momo. I can never forgive myself for hurting you like this.” 

Mo Guan Shan gently touched his cheek, making He Tian involuntarily lean in the soft touch. 

“You are such a fucking idiot”, Mo Guan Shan whispered and his eyes filled with tears when he raised his face to place a small kiss on He Tian's mouth. 

He Tian gasped and stared at him in surprise. Mo Guan Shan could see the guilt and the sadness in his face and knew then that He Tian was being honest. He put his arms around his neck and pulled him in a embrace. For some seconds He Tian seemed completely bewildered before he hesitantly put his arms around Mo Guan Shan's body and hugged him tightly, burying his face in Mo Guan Shan's neck. 

“Fuck Momo, I missed you so badly”, he mumbled in the strands of red hair, pulling him even closer. 

Mo Guan Shan hissed in pain. “Careful, my ribs are broken.” 

He Tian loosened his grip and took Momo's face in his hands. His eyes were full of emotion as he slowly bent down and kissed Momo. His lips were a dry and chapped and perfect. Mo Guan Shan lent into the kiss and they slowly let their tongues touch, delicate and tender, as if too much pressure would destroy the fragile moment. Mo Guan Shan felt his heart hammering and all he could think of was how good it felt to be in He Tian's arms again, like coming home after a long and straining journey. 

Their kiss soon grew more passionate and hungry. He Tian kissed Mo Guan Shan like a drowning person gasping for air and made Mo Guan Shan moan into his mouth,  _god_ , how he'd missed this sound. Their tongues were intertwining full of passion, their mouths wide open and He Tian felt the blood rush into his cock as he felt Mo Guan Shan's lean body pressed closely to his. Mo Guan Shan felt the hardness in He Tian's pants and his groin automatically rubbed He Tian's, making him gasp. He could not believe that this was really happening, everything was going so fast, but his growing arousal was too strong to stop. He was still confused by He Tian's explanation and it's implications but his body betrayed him entirely. He Tian stroked the front of his sweatpants and Mo Guan Shan moaned out, his head falling back in long forgotten pleasure. _Fuck tomorrow, I can't stop this now_ , he thought and pulled He Tian in the direction of his room. 

He Tian was pretty overwhelmed by the situation as well, of all possible outcomes this was the one he had not dared to hope for one second. But he also felt powerless against the lust that was flaming inside him. _Fuck tomorrow, this is too good to stop_ , he thought when Mo Guan Shan led him to his room. 

When they were inside, He Tian took Mo Guan Shan's face in his hands and tenderly kissed the bruised nose, his eyes, his cheekbones. 

“I missed you so fucking much”, he whispered and kissed Mo Guan Shan's upper lip, licking it gently. 

“You have no idea”, Mo Guan Shan answered breathless. 

He Tian carefully lay him on the bed, wincing when Momo grimaced in pain. Carefully he kissed and caressed Mo Guan Shan's whole body and noticed with huge relief that he was reacting to him, sighing and moaning. His hands slipped under his shirt, stroking the soft skin and squeezed the nipples, making Mo Guan Shan swear under his breath. He pulled up the shirt and ducked his head to lick and nibble the hard buds while his hands wandered south to his crotch. Mo Guan Shan's erection was pressing on his pants and he stroked the dick through the fabric, making Mo Guan Shan squirm and buck his hips. He Tian slowly pulled down the pants before he removed his shirt and proceeded to caress every inch of this gorgeous, beloved body under him. 

Mo Guan Shan moaned lost in his pleasure when He Tian licked along his shaft and the sensitive tip before closing his soft lips tightly around the hard flesh. He swallowed him almost completely and bobbed his head up and down, filling his mouth with Momo's cock. Since it had been a while that Mo Guan Shan had jerked off he knew he wouldn't last long like this. He didn't want it to be over so soon, rather enjoy it as long as possible so he pulled He Tian up and captured his lips in a deep kiss. He Tian roamed his mouth with his tongue and savored the unique taste of Momo, his erection was almost painful by now. 

“Do you want to...” he asked and hoped not to be rude. 

Mo Guan Shan nodded, his eyes were lust-hooded and his pupils huge. 

“Yeah. But you have to be careful.” 

He grabbed under the bed and produced a small bottle of lube, forgotten there over the last weeks. He Tian removed his pants and sat on the bed, coating his fingers with lube and slowly pushed a finger inside. It had been a while, Mo Guan Shan flinched and his breath hitched in pain, but he nodded and He Tian inserted a second one. He slowly moved his fingers, curling them to graze Momo's most sensitive spot and was rewarded with a loud moan, Momo's finger clutching the bed sheets. He looked so adorable that He Tian's breath went shallower and he thought about making Momo come only by his fingers, but he was way too impatient and horny himself. So after spreading him with a third finger he generously lubed his rock hard cock and positioned himself on his entrance, slowly pushing it inside Momo's tight ass, heat surrounding him and almost making him come right away. He paused to collected himself, panting hard. When he had recovered a bit, he slowly pulled out and pushed back in, burying his cock to the base in Momo's ass. He groaned loudly and looked at Momo, his head fallen back in the cushions, cheeks flushed and his soft lips moist and opened. The bruises on his chest were still visible, giving him a vulnerable, fragile aura. He looked like fucking beauty itself and He Tian felt his control crumble away. He lifted Momo's hips with his hands and forcefully pushed his cock inside, the angle directly stimulating Momo's prostate and making him moan out loud. He Tian rolled his hips and thrust his cock in him, enjoying every moan, every gasp, the ragged breathing. Due to his injuries Mo Guan Shan couldn't move that much so he just lay there and let himself get fucked by He Tian, and He Tian knew exactly what to do to pleasure him. Soon he felt his climax build in his balls and opened his eyes. He Tian watched him intently, sweat on his forehead and his face flushed in lust. “He Tian, I'm close” he stuttered and moaned desperately when He Tian's thrusts grew harder and he started to stroke Momo's hard cock. He Tian felt like coming a while ago and only managed to hold back because of his slow tempo. So when his thrusts were stronger and harder he immediately came very hard, a wave of lust crashed over him and he groaned loudly, shooting his cum deep into Momo. Mo Guan Shan cried out as his orgasm hit him, his cum squirting all over his chest as He Tian pumped his cock fast and hard. 

He Tian bent down and hugged Mo Guan Shan, his cock still buried in Momo's ass. They panted heavily, feeling their racing hearts. He Tian kissed Momo's neck. 

“I missed you so fucking much”, he whispered again and Mo Guan Shan pulled him closer, not wanting this moment to end. 

He Tian lifted his head and kissed Momo, their tongues touching and caressing each other gently but passionate. Soon their lips were wide open and occasionally their teeth clacked as the kiss grew sloppy and more demanding. He Tian was still buried inside Momo and he could feel himself getting hard again as their kissing became hungrier. Mo Guan Shan gasped in surprise when He Tian's cock started to get bigger in his ass but felt his own arousal growing and moaned in the kiss. When he was fully erect He Tian started to fuck Mo Guan Shan again, his cum making the movements easy and slippery. Mo Guan Shan pulled He Tian closer and groaned in his ear. Since they both just came some minutes before they now were enjoying some slow and gentle sex, kissing passionately from time to time, savouring the heat, their sounds and their arousal with full awareness. Both concentrated on the feeling of having the other in their arms again, their moans mixing with the squishing sounds of He Tian's cock penetrating Momo's hole. They came almost simultaneously, clutching at each other tightly. 

Mo Guan Shan hold on tightly on He Tian's back, breathing in the scent of sweat and sex. He felt overwhelmed, spent, dead tired and deeply satisfied. He Tian pulled out his dick, making his come flow out of Momo's ass, he had released a lot. He grabbed a shirt from the floor (Momo still had no tissues near his bed) and started to clean Momo's ass and chest, while Mo Guan Shan just looked at him with a dazed expression. After cleaning up himself he lay next to Momo, lightly stroking his chest with his fingers. He propped up on his elbow and looked at Momo with a serious expression. Mo Guan Shan watched his face and suddenly the fucked up reality dawned on him again and his expression got worried and tensed. 

“And now?” he asked timidly. 

He Tian sighed and shook his head. 

“Fuck, Momo, I don't know.” 

Mo Guan Shan noticed with surprise and worry that he had never seen He Tian being at a loss with anything. He Tian averted his gaze from Momo's face. 

“I can't continue to date Zhen Xiu. It's not working out and I don't want to hurt her more than I already did. She didn't deserve this.” 

Mo Guan Shan felt jealousy rising in him and took a deep breath. He nodded curtly. He didn't dare ask the question that was in his mind since they stopped making love, so he build up all his courage. 

“And what about us?", he asked anxiously. 

He Tian looked at him, tenderness written all over his face. He stroked Momo's cheek. 

“Fuck Momo, I can't do without you. I don't want to do without you.” He swallowed. “I need you.” 

Mo Guan Shan felt his eyes moisten and a lump in his throat. 

“You are such a fucking idiot”, he whispered before pulling He Tian down in a kiss, salt on his lips. 

He Tian broke the kiss. “I have to talk to my father. He can't forbid me to be with you.” 

Suddenly he looked very insecure at Mo Guan Shan. “That is... if you want to take me back.” 

Mo Guan Shan looked in his face. This evening had consumed all his mental and physical strength, making him feel dizzy and exhausted. Under other circumstances he might have kept He Tian in suspense, making him beg and plea but right now he could only say the first thing coming to his dazed mind. 

“Yes, you idiot. I'll take you back.” 

He Tian smiled with huge relieve and genuine joy and kissed Mo Guan Shan deeply. 

“But don't think you're gonna have it easy.” Mo Guan Shan murmured in a pause. “You'll have to work fucking hard. I'm still pissed at you.” 

He Tian grinned. “Alright. I'll do whatever you ask.” 

“Careful, I might remember that”, Mo Guan Shan felt a smile tug on the corners of his mouth. 

It was the first time in weeks that he felt like smiling. He Tian laughed quietly and stroked Mo Guan Shan's chest, letting his hand wander down over his belly. Despite Mo Guan Shan felt a spark of arousal he decided that he was way too exhausted to go for another round so he gently squeezed He Tian's hand. 

“I'm completely spent.” 

“What a shame”, He Tian groaned and kissed Momo's hand. “But to be honest I'm pretty tired myself.” 

He suddenly tensed up and watched Momo with a insecure expression. 

“Do you want me to leave now?” 

Mo Guan Shan frowned at him. “What? You fucking crazy? Don't dare to go anywhere or I'll kick you ass.” 

He Tian's face lit up and he cuddled up to Mo Guan Shan's side. 

“And how do you plan to kick my ass covered in bandages?”, he asked teasingly. 

Mo Guan Shan snorted. “Are you mucking me you bastard? That's not funny!”   


Both looked at each other, grinning and feeling like a huge wheight was lifted of their hearts. 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

He Tian felt nervous when he entered the cafe the next afternoon. It was pretty crowded since the weather had turned and his eyes searched the tables. When he saw Zhen Xiu, he took a deep breath and made his way to her table, not noticing the admiring glances thrown at him when he passed the other customers. Zhen Xiu had chosen a table at the window, looking out on the rainy street and passengers hurrying by with ducked heads, fighting the wind with their umbrellas. When He Tian said “Hi”, her gaze snapped up to him. She looked tired and closed up. She did not reply the greeting and just looked down at the table. He Tian had wrote her last night after Mo Guan Shan had fallen asleep. _Can we meet tomorrow? We have to talk_. She had replied quickly, so she also seemed to have trouble sleeping. The lack of sleep was obvious in her puffy eyes with the dark circles underneath. She clutched to her mug of tea and waited for He Tian to speak up. He Tian shifted uncomfortably in his chair, not knowing where to start. Eventually he sighed and lowered his head.

“Look, Zhen Xiu, I'm terribly sorry. But this is not working out.”

She looked at him and he saw that she was hurt, sad and angry.

“What do you mean? Weren't you the one who came to me out of nothing and started to hit on me?”

He Tian flinched, she was right and there was nothing he could say in defense.

“Shit. I'm sorry. I...” he shook his head.

“Who is she?” Zhen Xiu asked in the thick silence.

He Tian looked at her, not understanding at first.

“What do you mean?”

Zhen Xiu snorted. “The other girl you're obviously in love with.”

He Tian slowly shook his head. “There is no other girl.”

“Stop telling bullshit. There has to be another girl.”

Her voice had risen and He Tian noticed the customers on the next tables glancing over in interest. He lowered his voice and tried to justify himself.

“There is no other girl, I promise you.”

Zhen Xiu looked at him with tears in her eyes.

“So then it's me? It's seems I'm not good enough for the great He Tian” she uttered his name bitterly and quickly wiped her face with her sleeve.

He Tian winced, not wanting to totally crush her self-esteem.

“Shit, no, it has nothing to do with you. You are amazing, nice and gentle and I really loved spending time with you.”

Okay, that was not entirely true but He Tian tried his best to reassure her.

“Then what? How do you explain that you... that you couldn't...” she didn't finish he sentence and He Tian was thankful because if she mentioned the word _sex_ they probably had the attention of the whole cafe. His hands ruffled his hair and he looked outside for a moment, in the gray, depressing afternoon.

“Look, I don't know how to say this.” He hesitated. “You're right. There is someone else.”

She lent back in her chair, looking disappointed and pissed.

“I knew it. You are such an asshole.”

He Tian pinched his nose. “It's not what you think.”

Zhen Xiu bent forward raised her eyebrows. “It's not what I think?” She lowered her voice and continued. “What the fuck should it be then, huh?”

After some moments he mumbled. “It's not a girl.”

Zhen Xiu looked at him, completely gone still and blinking a few times in surprise. Her mouth opened to say something, then closed again. She let herself fall back in her chair and shook her head in disbelief. Her gaze went out of the window. He Tian's mouth was dry, he felt anxious and was afraid of her reaction. It was the first time he told anyone he was in love with another boy.

Eventually, Zhen Xiu let out a long breath. “Fuck. That's a surprise.”

She looked into her cup as if she could find something to say in the cold tea. He Tian cleared his throat.

“I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you.”

She looked in the rain flowing down the window.

“What the fuck, I don't know what to say. The great He Tian? Being... _gay_?”

A soundless chuckle escaped her and she shook her head again. When she looked at him her expression was surprised and a bit sad, but also slightly amused and to He Tian's relief not disgusted or very angry anymore. He just shrugged, not knowing what to say.

“Guess I can't compare to him, can I?” Zhen Xiu muttered more to herself.

He Tian stayed silent. They sat for a few moments but the silence was not as heavy and sour as before. Zhen Xiu stood up and put on her coat.

“Well, this is good-bye then I guess?”

He Tian nodded and looked apologetic in her face. “Please forgive me if I hurt you. I just didn't know...” he went quiet, feeling awkward and embarrassed.

Zhen Xiu stood next to the table. “You did hurt me, He Tian. I really liked you.” She grabbed her bag faster and gave him a sad smile. “But I at least I can tell my grandchildren I went out with the famous He Tian.”

 

 

He sat for a long time after she left. Although being thoroughly relieved that Zhen Xiu hadn't made a scene in the cafe and more or less just accepted his decision, he felt anxious and tensed. After the previous night it was clear to him that he could not continue his charade with Zhen Xiu and that he had to be back with Momo. It felt like an absolute, all-consuming, almost physical need. In Momo's arms everything slowly fell back into place and for the first time in weeks he felt something like his old self again. But the thought of confronting his father scared the shit out of him. He tried to envision his reaction, ranging from silent hate into open rage. In any case it would be a disaster.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a second and took some deep breaths before typing a short message. _Father. I need to talk to you. It's urgent._ His father replied him quickly, telling him he was in the city today and that he would come to his apartment later. He Tian was glad they met on his terrain, hoping it would provide a small advantage for him. He paid for his tea and left to go home.

 

 

Over the last weeks his apartment had become a mirror to He Tian's chaotic and devastated state. He had never been good at tidying up, Momo being the one who brought a sense of homeliness in his place. When he'd been alone again, he just let it all slide. Clothes lay all over crumpled on the floor, dirty dishes and take-out boxes stapled in the sink and started to smell funny. The table was greasy and speckles of dried sauce were splattered across the surface. _My father mustn't see this mess_ , he thought and started to clean up. After an hour he was sweaty but looked around in satisfaction. His place was exactly how he wanted his father to see him: neutral, clean, having nothing to hide and nothing to reveal. He stepped in the shower and fought down the nervousness that was tensing him up. After dressing in some casual jeans and a black shirt he still had about half an hour and paced restless around, smoking cigarette after cigarette to smooth his nerves.

When his father arrived he felt worked up, the cigarettes had made him slightly sick. His father entered the apartment, ordering the security man to wait outside the door by a wink of his hand. He was dressed in an elegant black coat that made him look taller, hands covered in expensive leather gloves. Even standing in this huge apartment he managed to completely control the atmosphere, taking in everything with his cold gaze. There were no kind words of greetings and He Tian's father didn't bother to take of his coat, making clear that he wasn't planning to spend a second longer with his son than absolutely necessary. He Tian sweated and felt shaky but tried to control his facial expression. He watched his father scanning the room, knowing that this was an unconscious behavior to make him feel judged and uneasy. His father had no personal or affectionate side that may come out in interactions with his sons. Just this cold, controlled and subtly aggressive dominance. At some point his hard eyes met He Tian's.

“You wanted to talk.” His voice was cold and impatient. “Then talk.”

Now the hardest part came. He Tian tried to keep his voice firm and stable, not revealing any of his inner turmoil. He decided that it was the best to come straight to the point since there was no point in buttering up his father.

“Father, I can't break up with Mo Guan Shan. I've decided to stay with him.” He felt his hands trembling and shoved them in his pocket. “If you like it or not.”

His father eyed him wordless for some seconds before answering with a silent, icy voice.

“What did you just say?”

He Tian swallowed. “You heard me. I'm not gonna leave him.”

His father didn't avert his cold stare and replied nothing. He Tian stood motionless on his spot, he didn't dare to move or even breathe. His father looked out of the huge windows in the gray, rainy sky. Then suddenly his face was distorted in a burst of rage and he walked over to He Tian, so sudden and fast He Tian had no chance to protect his head when his father hit him hard with his gloved hand. He Tian grunted and his head flew to the side. There was a nasty ringing in his ears and he tasted blood. His father grabbed him by his collar and yanked him up. His voice was dripping of hatred.

“You little piece of shit. How dare you to oppose me?”

His forehead violently crushed He Tian's nose, making him see stars and his head explode in pain. Blood dropped on the floor and He Tian felt tears streaming down his face. Still holding him by the collar, his father rammed his knee in his stomach and He Tian doubled over, all air pressed out of his lungs. He coughed and gasped, his knees giving in. His father yanked him up again and brought their faces close. The look in his eyes deeply scared He Tian, uncontrolled aggression and burning hatred. He looks like a fucking psychopath, he thought but that couldn't calm him one bit.

“You worthless shit.” His father's breath lingered over his face, smelling faintly like tea. “If you really want to fuck this scum you're not my son anymore”, he said through gritted teeth. “You'll loose my name, my support, everything you have. You're dead to me.”

He Tian felt the blood tickle from his mouth and answered with a throaty voice.

“I don't care. But if you dare to hurt Mo Guan Shan I swear I will kill you myself.”

He was aware that he was in no position to threaten his father but in this moment all respect for him ceasing to ash, leaving only contempt and hate. His fathers eyes narrowed dangerously.

“You dare to threaten me?”

He Tian stared at him and replied nothing.

“You piece of shit.”

With the back of his hand, he slapped He Tian in the face, making him lose balance and stumbling on the floor. He merciless kicked him in the stomach, attacking his legs, ribs, arms, anything he could get. He Tian tried to protect his head and curled up to block the burst of aggression. After a while his father stopped, panting heavily. He Tian looked up through his hands. For a fracture of a second his father wore a grimace of despair and exhaustion. His clothes were disarranged and sweat was glistening on his face. _I've never seen him losing control before_ , He Tian involuntarily thought. But his father quickly rearranged his features into the cold and expressionless mask He Tian had known all his life.

“You're dead to me”, he replied coldly and gave He Tian a last glare, full of contempt. “I expect you to leave this apartment. You have one week.”

Without a further word, he walked to the door and slammed it. He Tian fell back on the cool floor, his body hurting all over and stared up the ceiling. The whole meaning of his father's words slowly started to think in. He had no family anymore. No brother, no father. No name, no place to stay. No heritage, no easy opportunities. He buried his face in his hands, his breath shaking. Had he made an enormous mistake? The face of his father appeared in his mind, distorted with hatred, kicking his own son with brute and unrestrained aggression. The banal certainty that his father probably never really loved him made him realize that even this decision had severe consequences for his life, it had been the right and only thing to do.

 

 

Mo Guan Shan nervously nibbled his fingernails. The whole afternoon he'd been waiting for a call from He Tian. He had already cleaned the whole flat and walked a hundred times around the block in order to reduce his tension. The last night had be overwhelming and so unexpected that he didn't dare yet to hope for a happy end. So every passing minute fueled his anxiety that something bad was about to happen. His mom had noticed his worked up mood but he didn't want to talk to her, not yet. First he had to know where things were going. His injuries made him fatigue easy and so he had holed up in his room, trying to focus his attention on a comic. He had never been good at dealing with stress. When his phone rang, he jolted up and pain stabbed his ribs. “Ow, shit” he muttered before answering his phone.

He Tian sounded huffed. “Hi”, he just said.

“Hi”, Momo answered and relieve filled him when he heard his voice. “So. How'd it go?” he asked timidly.

He heard He Tian sigh and imagined him shrugging. “It went okay with Zhen Xiu.” He paused. “I told her I was in love with another man, and that seemed to appease her somehow. But she still was pissed at me, of course.”

A warm feeling spread in Mo Guan Shan and he smiled. “Wow. That's... good I guess.”

He Tian felt silent and Mo Guan Shan frowned. “How did your father react?”

On the other end it stayed quiet for a bit before He Tian muttered, “I have no father anymore.”

Mo Guan Shan's eyes widened in shock. Was his father really that harsh?

“What do you mean? He couldn't just-”

“Yes he could and he did.” He Tian interrupted him. “I'm dead to him now.” He Tian's voice was strange. “I have lost my family.”

Mo Guan Shan couldn't help but feel a bit guilty.

“But I have you. And that's the most important thing.”

Mo Guan Shan felt his throat restrict. “I'll be your family from now on”, he whispered.

He Tian swallowed audible. “Can I see you?” he asked.

“Of course, you idiot.” Mo Guan Shan couldn't hide the affection in his voice. “I've been waiting for you all day.”

“Could you... could you come over? I can barely move.” He Tian asked a bit embarrassed and Mo Guan Shan frowned.

“Why? What happened?”

“You'll see”, He Tian curtly said and Mo Guan Shan guessed that he wouldn't say more.

“Okay. I'm on my way.”

 

 

About an hour Mo Guan Shan later stood in front of the door of He Tian's apartment. He'd written a short message to his mom that he was at He Tian's and would explain everything later. It had been over a month that he'd been here and it felt a little strange. Still he felt a queasy wariness, so much had happened in the last 24 hours. When He Tian opened the door, he could not prevent uttering a shocked gasp. He Tian's handsome face was swollen and badly bruised, his nose looked like it was broken a his lower lip was parted with by a deep cut. He understood now what He Tian had meant before.

“Jeez, you look like shit”, Mo Guan Shan breathed out, still in shock. “Your father did that?”

He Tian just nodded.

“What the fuck...” Mo Guan Shan stepped closer, speechless shaking his head. “Fuck... he has no right to do that.”

He Tian looked on the floor. “I've never seen him like that”, he muttered. “He was so out of control I feared he might kill me in his rage.”

Mo Guan Shan gently touched his cheek and caressed his lips with his thumb. He Tian lent into the touch, closing his eyes. After a while he opened them and watched Mo Guan Shan with a serious expression on his face.

“This was the hardest decision I ever had to make.” His hands softly touched Mo Guan Shan's wrist and stroked the sensitive skin. “But I know that a life without you is not possible for me anymore.”

Mo Guan Shan's chest clamped and he blinked away his moistness in his eyes. “Fuck, don't be so cheesy”, he muttered embarrassed and He Tian gave him a small smile.

“You're blushing again.”

Mo Guan Shan felt the heat rise in his face and mumbled “Idiot” before pulling He Tian down in a kiss. He Tian hissed when Mo Guan Shan's tongue gently licked the cut on his lip, if in pain or pleasure he didn't know. He pulled Mo Guan Shan closer and opened his mouth to let his tongue meet Momo's and they carefully stroked each other, letting their tongues roll along and intertwine. Both winced when the other held to tight or stroke to hard over a still bruised part. But the feeling of being reunited again felt like a drug, making them dizzy and craving for more. They were too occupied with kissing to notice the door was still opened behind Mo Guan Shan. After a while Mo Guan Shan broke the kiss and looked up. His pupils were huge and his breath already shallow. He Tian didn't need one word of explanation. His eyes fell on the door and he laughed a bit awkward.

“Fuck, we were about to give my neighbors quite a show.”

Mo Guan Shan chuckled and closed it quickly. His expression was amused when he turned around.

“There's no way I'm gonna share with anyone what I'm going to get.”

He Tian grinned smugly and Mo Guan Shan thought that even if this was the kind of face that had driven him insane so many times in the past he could not help but adore it since it meant that it was his He Tian again, the confident, arrogant, hot as hell bastard. He Tian took his hand and made their way to his bed. He'd just started to undress Mo Guan Shan when he was interrupted by him.

“Tonight I'm gonna take care of you”, Mo Guan Shan said lowly and softly kissed his neck.

He Tian quirked an eyebrow in surprise but sighed when Mo Guan Shan nibbled the soft skin on his throat and let his head fell back. Mo Guan Shan's fingers slid under his shirt, stroking the soft skin. He Tian lifted his arms and his shirt fell to the floor. Mo Guan Shan looked at him and his eyes widened in shock and disbelief. His torso was covered in bruises, already darkening.

“What the...”, he muttered before looking in He Tian's eyes with so much affection that He Tian felt a lump in his throat. Mo Guan Shan gently pushed him on the bed and began to kiss every bruise, slowly licking the injured skin. He Tian sighed and let himself over to almost forgotten sensations. His erection already hurt in his trousers and he got even harder when Mo Guan Shan started to gently bite his hips, his fingers squeezing his nipples. He Tian squirmed under Mo Guan Shan's arousing touches and he involuntarily lifted his hips to signal Momo that he was ready. Mo Guan Shan grinned inwardly, happy that He Tian just melted away under his touches and in a sudden impulse of cruelty (this fucker deserved some punishment after all) he decided to go extra slow. He Tian groaned in frustration but had no other choice than submit. His trousers were getting increasingly uncomfortable so when Mo Guan Shan pulled down the zipper he sighed in relieve. Mo Guan Shan removed the pants and briefs. He Tian's cock was fully hard and already glistening at the top. Mo Guan Shan bit his lips and forced himself not to suck him off right there and then. Instead he spread He Tian's legs and planted little kisses on the inner sides of his thighs where the delicate, bruised skin was also colored black and purple. He Tian put his hands over his face and tried back to hold a disappointed moan, this was torture! He felt oversensitive tonight and the soft tongue and a occasional bite almost made him lose his mind.

“Momo, please...” he panted and it sounded so desperate that Mo Guan Shan decided he had tantalized him enough. He Tian cried out when he suddenly felt Momo's hot mouth engulf his cock, taking him as deep as he could. Mo Guan Shan bobbed his head up and down quickly, firmly sucking the hard flesh. One hand still caressed He Tian's thigh, the other massaged his balls, he wanted to make He Tian go crazy with lust. He Tian was completely overwhelmed by the sudden attack and being lost in his pleasure he was not able to hold back any of the loud moans and groans that were exciting his mouth. Mo Guan Shan felt his own cock get even harder as he heard He Tian uttering the most erotic sounds since he usually wasn't so vocal and fuck, _so loud_. He hummed as he brought one hand to his crotch and touched his aching dick. The sound send a vibration directly through He Tian's whole body and without a warning his orgasm hit him so hard he came with a barely suppressed cry, shooting his cum into Momo's mouth, grabbing his hair to push his cock even deeper. Mo Guan Shan jolted when his mouth unexpectedly was filled with the salty liquid but he sucked even harder to milk out every drop of cum out of He Tian's cock. He Tian let his head fall back, breathless and with a racing heart. His mouth was dry and his whole body on fire. He stroked Momo's hair and tried to catch his breath. Momo lay next to him, gently kissing his glowing face.

He Tian looked at him from lust-hooded and sultry eyes, the only thing he could mutter was a ragged “Momo....” Mo Guan Shan smiled and kissed him hungrily, pushing his tongue into He Tian's gorgeous mouth.

“Momo, this was just....” He Tian shook his head. “I'm completely spent. I can't move an inch, I'm so sorry I don't know if I can fuck you tonight”, he whispered defeated.

Mo Guan Shan looked deep into his eyes and swallowed.

“You wanna watch me jerk off?”, he asked quietly after some moments.

He Tian's eyes widened by a spark of arousal.

“God, yeah.”

Mo Guan Shan stood up and slowly removed his shirt and his pants along with his underwear before sitting on the bed. After moving around a bit to find a good position he sat back on his heels, spreading his legs a little to give He Tian a good view. His cock had been hard for a while now and he was aroused even more when he thought about He Tian watching him. He locked his eyes with He Tian's and slowly brought his hand to his shaft, his fingers grazing lightly over the hard flesh, making him hiss. He started to slowly stroke his cock, biting his lower lip and groaning at the contact. He Tian's eyes fell on his cock and what he saw make his jaw go slack and his breath hitch. Mo Guan Shan added a bit more pressure to his hand, firmly caressing the length, but not too much since he didn't want to come right away. He moaned when his thumb touched the sensitive tip and his hips thrust involuntarily forward. He Tian's breath was shallow, his moist lips opened. He could not avert his gaze from Momo's hand, tightly wrapped around his cock. Mo Guan Shan pumped faster and already little sparks build in his belly. He tried to slow down and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he saw He Tian slowly stroking his renewed erection. He bit back a moan, fuck that was sexy, but slapped his hand away.

“Just watch.”

He Tian obeyed but was obviously frustrated, his gray eyes dark with lust. Mo Guan Shan felt he could not hold back for much longer and his movements were getting faster. When the other hand came up to gently squeeze a nipple and played with the hardened bud he threw his head back and moaned in pleasure. Being on display like that felt a little strange but it somehow even increased his arousal, making him more aware of his movements. Thrusting forward with his hips, he firmly fucked his fist faster and faster, making He Tian squirm and groan just by watching. Some forceful strokes later his climax shoot through him like lightning and he came with a loud moan, his cum squirting over his hand, the bed sheets and even He Tian's chest. He panted and let himself fall back on his heels, his chest glistening with a layer of sweat. A drop of spit was drooling out of his mouth and he wiped it with the back of his hand. Never before had he come that hard by jerking off.

He looked up and met He Tian's dark, attentive gaze, lust written all over his face. Without a word Mo Guan Shan wrapped his fingers around He Tian's hard cock and started to pump him merciless. He Tian groaned out, his expression almost painful from the unexpected pleasure and tried to meet the strokes with upward thrusts of his hips. Since he almost came from watching Momo before it didn't take long before he let out a strangled moan and his cock spurted his cum all over his belly.

Mo Guan Shan collapsed next to him, his breath still ragged. He Tian put his hands over his face and waited for his racing heart to calm down. His brain was mushy and he felt drawn of all energy. Mo Guan Shan snuggled at his side. When he looked at He Tian's face he smiled shyly. He Tian smiled back, looking wrecked, ruffled, tired and just beautiful. He pulled him close, kissing his red strands. When he spoke, his voice already was slurred from sleep.

“Fuck Momo, you know how often I had imagined this?”

Mo Guan Shan gaped at him. “What? When?”

“You remember the pic I sent you once? I made it as a stupid joke but then I started imagining you jerking off to it. Getting off looking at my dick. You don't know how often I came just thinking about that.” He smiled with his eyes closed. “But this was... nothing in comparison to the real deal.”

Mo Guan Shan felt his cheeks heat. “You're such a fucking perv.”

But inside, a warm and fluttering feeling spread in his chest, knowing for how long He Tian had wanted him. He wanted to reply something but noticed that He Tian was already breathing deep and regular. Feeling dead tired himself he just turned the lights out and pulled up the covers over their sticky bodies before falling into deep slumber.

 

 

It was still early in the morning when Mo Guan Shan opened his eyes but he felt rested, he hadn't slept as good in a very long time. He Tian was still sleeping deeply and Mo Guan Shan quietly went to the bathroom to take a piss. He thought about taking a shower since he was literally covered in cum but decided against it, wanting to return to the warm bed as soon as possible. He Tian sighed in his sleep but didn't wake up when Mo Guan Shan climbed back under the covers. He turned to his side and watched He Tian. Still he could not quite believe that he was being here again. This had happened so fast and even if he was happy and very relieved, he also felt a bit insecure and anxious about it. They had been so horny yesterday that He Tian didn't explain anything about what had happened with his father. He had to be an incredible asshole to beat up his own son like this. Mo Guan Shan thought of his own father and his unpredictable outbursts of aggression at the end, making him shudder. He Tian always looked so strong, as if nothing was able to get to him, to break him. Mo Guan Shan realized that he probably was the only one that could make him cry, or beg and catch a glimpse of his inside. He snuggled himself closer and gently kissed the soft skin. When he felt strong arms embracing him, he looked into He Tian's sleepy face.

“Hi”, he muttered, his voice still husky from sleep.

“Hi”, Mo Guan Shan answered smiling.

“Did you sleep well?”

Mo Guan Shan nodded. “Better than in weeks. And I was on fucking opiates over the last days.”

He Tian smiled amused. “I know of something much better to help you sleep.” He yawned ant stretched, moving his sore body. “You wanna take a bath together?”

“Yeah, that would be great. The sheet's practically glued to me.”

He Tian grinned. “That's all your fault, giving me such a fucking hot show yesterday.”

Mo Guan Shan blushed a bit, still surprised by his own boldness but honestly also very proud to make He Tian almost lose his mind.

“If you're a good boy you may get it again”, he said with a grin.

 

 

Sitting in the huge tub, surrounded by hot water condensing on the tiles Mo Guan Shan leaned back against He Tian, his head resting on his shoulder. He felt himself cpmpletely relax in the tub that was so big they easily fit in together. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the warmth from the water and the warm body breathing behind him. He Tian lightly kissed his neck and let out a relaxed sigh.

“This is sooo goooood”, Mo Guan Shan murmured.

“Then we should use it as long as we can.” He Tian suddenly sounded down.

Mo Guan opened one eye to watch him. “What do you mean?”

He Tian cleared his throat. “Well I didn't tell you yesterday but my father kinda threw me out.” He paused. “Since I'm no longer part of the family there's no reason why I should live in my uncle's apartment.”

Mo Guan Shan lifted his head and frowned. “Fuck, that sucks. I'm sorry.”

He Tian just shrugged. “So what are you going to do?” Mo Guan Shan asked and He Tian said nothing. “You're going to move?”

There was a silence for a while before He Tian muttered. “I have no money to rent something.”

Mo Guan Shan sat up and turned to face He Tian. “Are you fucking kidding me? You have money practically growing out of your ass!”

But He Tian just shook his head and looked into the water. “It's all my father's money. He gave me cash from time to time. I don't even have my own bank account.”

At least he seemed to be embarrassed about this, judging from his posture like a beaten dog. Mo Guan Shan gaped at him disbelieving for some seconds before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“What's so fucking funny about this?”, He Tian asked pissed.

Mo Guan Shan wiped his eyes. “Sorry, it's just... I think I expected you to be more....” he searched for the right word. “... grown up? Practical? Living in reality?”

He giggled again and He Tian buffed his arm. “Fuck off! I am perfectly grown up, and practical! It's just that I never needed it!”

He tried to justify himself what made Mo Guan Shan laugh even more. He tried to calm down, this had a very serious reason behind it after all.

“Sorry. I didn't wanna to mock you. Well, I did. But still, what are you going to do?”

He Tian looked at him and shrugged again. “I have no fucking idea. But I have a week left.”

Suddenly Mo Guan Shan's face lit up. “Of course, dumbass! You're moving in with me!”

He smiled happily about his idea but He Tian shook his head. “No, I can't do that. There's barely enough space for the two of you.”

He tried to protest but Mo Guan Shan silenced him in a fierce kiss. “There's no discussion. You're moving in with me. When you can afford it you can go rent your own place. But I won't let you fucking go anywhere without me again.”

He Tian held his face in his hands, looking at him with an expression of awe. “What in world have I done to deserve you?” he whispered and Mo Guan Shan kissed him again.

“I have no fucking clue.”

His eyes were sultry when he looked at He Tian.

“Let's use this tub then as long as we can.”

 

 

Shortly later the room was filled with Mo Guan Shan's moans and whimpers. He sat on He Tian's lap, his back turned to him. He Tian had hooked Momo's legs onto his and had spread his legs widely, giving him free access to Momo's wet entrance. He already had inserted the third finger and pumped them in and out of Momo's tight ass. The other hand was wrapped around his cock and he felt Momo's was already getting close as his own cock was pressing hard and aching into Momo's hips. He removed his fingers, earning a growl from Momo and lifted his lips with his hands. His cock slid inside Momo's ass easily, he'd opened him up good. His head fell back as his body was filled with pleasure, a loud, satisfied groan escaping his lips. Momo moaned and held onto the rim of the tub for support when he started to move. He'd been on top before but always facing He Tian. In this position He Tian's cock touched his sweet spot with every thrust, being in the perfect angle.

“Fuck, He Tian, right there”, Momo stuttered and moved faster.

He Tian tightly grabbed his hips an pushed his cock as deep inside as he could. Momo cried out in pleasure as the water splashed around them, making the movements wet and slippery. Their moans were echoed from the tiled walls as Mo Guan Shan rode He Tian until they were crushed down by an incredibly strong, forceful orgasm, making his vision go white for a moment. Momo slumped limply against He Tian, completely out of breath. He turned his head and looked at He Tian with pupil-blown eyes. He Tian cupped his cheek and kissed him passionately, letting his tongue roam deep inside Momo's hot mouth. His cock slid out of Momo's ass, letting the cum flow in the bathwater. They sat for some moments, feeling exhausted and spent and perfectly relaxed in the afterglow.

 

 

Their reunion felt quite overwhelming, both of them having more or less accepted the breakup, not daring to hope for a change in fate. Being together again made them feel intoxicated, high on dopamine and oxytocine, their sex-drenched brains craving for more lust, more fucking, more love, more everything. For the rest of the weekend they fucked more or less all the time, which was pretty exhausting considered their injuries but none of them felt being able to hold back. At least Mo Guan Shan had remembered to message his mother, telling her that he was fine and he'd explain everything later.

Sunday evening they lay in He Tian's completely destroyed bed, snuggling after their last round of sex. He Tian had insisted on fucking Mo Guan Shan in the position they had in the tub, finding out that it gave him a perfect view of his hard cock sliding in and out of Momo's tight hole. Mo Guan Shan found out that this position made him come very quickly and very hard. He Tian was already sinking into sleep as Mo Guan Shan muttered.

“We have school tomorrow.”

He Tian groaned. “Fuck. It's already Sunday? I completely lost track of days. Can't I just stay here in bed with you?”

He pulled Mo Guan Shan closer.

“Yeah, I hate it too. I have to tell She Li I'm out of his fucking business. He can search for another idiot to get beaten up for him.”

He Tian's face darkened at the thought of that sly bastard.

“I fucking hate that asshole. If you want I gladly beat the shit out of him again.”

Me Guan Shan sighed, He Tian's protectiveness spread a warm feeling in his chest.

“That is a very generous offer but I think I just talk to him myself. I mean, it's not legal so what can he do about it?”

He Tian grumbled dissatisfied but was too tired to protest. Mo Guan Shan set the alarm on his phone early enough so he could stop by his home before school and grab his backpack and a new set of clothes. He kissed He Tian and lay an arm around his chest, snuggling himself tightly on the strong and beautiful body that was his again, finally.


	11. Chapter 11

Swearing under his breath he rushed to school the next morning. Even if he had set his alarm early he managed to be late and it was of course He Tian's fault, teasing him until he finally gave in to some morning sex. He felt his cock twitch when he remembered He Tian's strong hands firmly holding his hips while forcefully ramming his cock deep inside him, whimpering with his face buried in the mattress and his ass in the air. His body was sore and aching all over. And honestly the last two days had been the straight opposite of resting. But still, totally worth it.

The lessons flew by and Mo Guan Shan really tried his best to listen to the teacher, but images of the previous days kept intruding his mind and he tried really hard to think about dull, non-sexual things like toast or algebra to get rid of his erection but it was no use. He Tian was all he could think about and he hoped that his jacket was hiding his boner. They had agreed to avoid each other in school, everything being too raw, to fresh, feeling uncontrollable. Mo Guan Shan had assured He Tian to call him after he'd asked his mom if it was okay if He Tian moved in with them for a while. He'd offered it in a rush of affection and generosity and only later it dawned to him that his mom may have to say something to that too. So he had planned to ask her today after school. The next obstacle was to talk to She Li, he got seriously pissed thinking about the row. All in all, he had his mind on a thousand more important things that on- what was the lesson right now? Right, calculus. He sucked at that anyway.

Even if he felt nervous about confronting She Li he decided that it was best to just get over with it and searched him during lunch break. He found him outside on a bench, surrounded by his thugs and heard them laugh about a story one of the brainless fuckers told. Mo Guan Shan took a deep breath and stepped closer.

“Oi, asshole”, he said to gain She Li's attention.

He looked at him and feigned surprise. “Redhead. I see you can walk again.” He grinned nastily. “Ready for your next job?”

Mo Guan Shan felt the rage boil within him. “Fuck your jobs. I'm out. Go find another idiot.”

She Li's eyes narrowed threatening and his grin faded. He slowly stood up and Mo Guan Shan noticed a subtle aggression tension growing among the others. He swallowed but remembered they were on the schoolyard, not in a deserted fucking alley in the middle of nowhere, so how bad could it get? She Li closed in on Mo Guan Shan and he could smell his lunch in his breath, involuntarily backing away.

“What did you say, you fucker? You can't just quit.”

Mo Guan Shan fought down his anxiousness and forced himself to look into She Li's face with a steady gaze.

He answered with a low voice. “I can, and I will. Remember I know a lot of useful information about your little business.”

The unsaid threat hang in the air. They eyed each other for some moments before She Li let out a huffed breath.

“I'd never thought you'd actually hide some balls down there.”

He grabbed Mo Guan Shan's chin an pulled him so close their noses almost touched. His golden eyes were hard like steel when he spoke.

“Fuck off and don't you dare to tell anyone anything or you'll regret it. It'll be easy to find another dog.”

He signaled his fellows to leave and gave Mo Guan Shan a last angry glare and his finger before entering the school building.

When they were out of sight, Mo Guan Shan let out a shaky breath, his shoulders hunched when the tension fell off of him. That had been easier than he'd feared. But She Li wasn't so stupid to risk information spreading about his business.

He looked up and saw Hi Tian leaning on a tree some meters away, looking at him. He had a smug grin on his face and signaled him with a small nod to follow him. Mo Guan Shan swallowed and looked around. Excitement already tingled in his belly, he knew the dark look in He Tian's eyes far too well. He Tian turned away and strolled casually in the direction of the school building. Mo Guan Shan followed him in a hopefully inconspicuous distance, glancing around to see if anybody payed attention. Inside the school building He Tian walked along deserted corridors until he disappeared in an empty classroom. Mo Guan Shan looked around but saw nobody following them so he slipped inside and closed the door.

Before he could turn around, He Tian pressed his body on his backside, trapping him between the door and himself. Mo Guan Shan felt his hot breath on his neck and the blood rushed in his cock.

“He Tian, are you fucking crazy?”

He Tian rubbed his hard cock on his ass, groaning quietly.

Of course he'd been around when he saw Momo talk to She Li, ready to jump in and beat the everliving shit out of that bastard if he dared to touch his Momo. But when he saw that Momo didn't back down and stood his ground he felt a rush of proud and affection that went directly to his groin. He knew it was risky but he couldn't resist, he was a sensation seeker after all.

And seeing that Momo was hard since the second he pushed him on the door made his self-control vanish into the air. He breathed in Momo's eat.

“Break's not over until 20 minutes. That's enough time for me.”

He grabbed Momo's hips and pushed them back on his cock, making Momo moan. He chuckled.

“But you have to keep your voice down.”

“You... you are fucking nuts”, Momo stuttered but involuntarily pushed back on He Tian's hard cock.

“But we don't have any lube”, he said when suddenly He Tian pushed two fingers inside of his mouth.

“Suck”

He Tian ordered and Momo sucked, licked and nibbled on the long fingers, making He Tian suppress a groan. He Tian felt his cock get even harder and he fumbled on Momo's trousers, glad that those sport pants had no complicated zippers or shit, and pulled them down to his thighs. He removed his fingers from Momo's skilled mouth and shoved them without hesitation in his hot ass. Momo bit the back of his hand to muffle a loud groan at the sudden intrusion. He Tian was too impatient and horny for a long preparation and pulled his rock hard cock out of his trousers and positioned the tip on Momo's hole.

“I'm going to enter you now”, he said under his breath before slowly pushing himself in the tight ass.

He closed his eyes and bit his lips, this felt so good. Since they had not much time he started to fuck Momo with a quick pace, pumping his cock in match with his thrusts. Momo was bent over and held himself at the door for support, his face buried in his elbow to silence himself. The fear of being caught increased his sensitivity, and He Tian's forceful thrusts brought him close to his climax very quickly. His breath got ragged and He Tian picked up speed, slapping noises and muffled groans filling the empty classroom. When He Tian noticed Momo's breath getting faster and shallower he knew he was close and fucked him harder, until they both came with a suppressed cry, Momo shooting his cum on the door in front of him and getting his ass filled, again. He Tian leaned his forehead on Momo's back until his breathing calmed down. Momo opened his eyes and let out a deep sigh.

“Fuck, you're really crazy”, he said with his voice still out of breath. He looked down and snickered. “Shit, I've come all over the door.”

He Tian produced a napkin from somewhere and slowly pulled his dick out of Momo's ass, careful not to spill his seed on his trousers before cleaning up the streaks of cum on the door.

“Maybe you could label it an art project”, He Tian said with an amused tone.

“You're so fucking disgusting”, Momo replied grinning. He pulled up his pants and twitched. “Shit, you're cum's coming out.”

He quickly put another tissue in his trousers. “I need to go to the loo. I don't wanna look like I shat my pants.”

He Tian laughed and pulled him in a tight embrace. An amused sparkle was in his eyes as he bent down to kiss him deeply.

“You should go out first. I'm leaving in a second.”

He took Momo's face in his hands and looked at him.

“God, you're sex-face is so fucking gorgeous.”

Momo's blush made him smile and he kissed him a last time before opening the door.

“Call me later”, he whispered and looked after Momo, that was hurrying to the lavatory with a weird walk. He grinned idely, feeling deeply satisfied and happy.

 

 

When Mo Guan Shan came home after school, his mom was already waiting for him. Her face was tensed and he could see she'd been anxious and had a lot of questions. He felt a pang of guilt cause he made her worry.

“Hi mom,” he said before sitting on the couch.

He didn't know where to start, how to find the right words for what happened the last two days. Well at least for the part he wanted to tell her. His mother just looked at him, her eyebrows quirked inquiringly. Momo fidgeted nervously with his fingers, he feared his mom might not approve his renewed relationship with He Tian.

“Uhm... I'm back together with He Tian”, he muttered eventually.

His mom cocked her head and answered without sarcasm.

“I can see that.” She paused for some moments. “So what happened?”

Mo Guan Shan shrugged. “He suddenly came by Friday evening. And he was... I don't know. I've never seen him like that. Like he was completely destroyed or something? He...”

His voiced trailed off as he thought of the sudden outburst of tears and shuddered.

“He was crying. And he looked like shit.” Mo Guan Shan sighed. “And then he explained why he'd broke up. Apparently his father had threatened him, I don't know. He seems to be scary.”

He shyly looked up to his mom but she was listening to him with an attentive expression. “I think he's afraid of him. I could see it in his eyes. And then...”

He suddenly remembered the sex and felt his ears blush. “Well and then things kinda... went by themselves.”

His mom nodded and when he met her eyes, they were full of concern.

“Mo, I know that you're in love but is this really the right decision? He's hurt you very badly.”

Mo Guan Shan averted his gaze, the answer to this question not being clear even to himself. But he felt right now that he had no other choice. For the first time in a long while he was happy. He Tian made him happy.

“I know mom. I'm a bit scared too. But I'm happy now. And He Tian feels sorry, I know that.”

His mom sighed and squeezed his hand. “Okay. It's your decision. But promise me that you'll take good care of yourself.” She smiled at him with affection. “I'm so glad you're better again.”

She pulled him in a hug and stroked his hair. “I was so worried the last weeks”, she murmured quietly.

Mo Guan Shan was a bit embarrassed by the motherly affection and wiggled himself free. “I know, and I'm sorry. But it's over now.”

His mom smiled at him and stroked his cheek.

Mo Guan Shan hesitated. “There's something else.”

A frown appeared on his mom's face.“What is it?”

“Uhm... I don't know how to say this.” He paused. “I already said He Tian's dad is kinda scary. It's... well....“

“Just say it!” His mom interrupted him impatiently.

Mo Guan Shan winced, he was scared how his mom might react but build up his courage.

“He was so pissed that He Tian wants to be with me that he cut all family bonds. He threw him out of his flat.”

His mom gaped at him when she realized what he was about to ask.

“So I wanted to ask you if it's okay when he's moving in with us.” He didn't dare look at her. “Just until he has his own place.”

They sat some seconds in silence before Mo Guan Shan threw her an insecure glance. Her face was frowning and she looked on the table. He cringed inwardly, fearing that she might say no. Slowly she shook her head.

“That's.... that's a lot of information right now.”

Mo Guan Shan waited for her to speak up again. She considered what Mo just had told her and finally cleared her throat.

“You know how small this flat is.”

He nodded.

“And the money's barely enough for the two of us.”

He nodded again and felt his heart sink.

“But I know you wouldn't ask me if it wasn't important.” She sighed defeated. “Fine. He can move in. But only as an interim solution. As soon as he gets his own place he has to move.”

Mo Guan Shan looked at her in surprise. When he realized what she had said he felt tears of relief in his eyes and threw her arms around her.

“Thanks mom. You're the best!”

His mom laughed quietly and stroked his back, his obvious joy warming her heart.

“But he has to contribute to the household”, she said and tried to sound severe. Mo Guan Shan just nodded.

“Of course. You'll barely notice anything different.”

She chuckled and hugged him tightly for a last time. Her face was soft and affectionate. “I just want you to be happy again.”

He smiled at her. “Thanks, mom.”


	12. Chapter 12

Three months later

 

Mo Guan Shan frowned at his phone. _Come to meet me after work._ He Tian had sent him an address. His manager hated it when they did private stuff at work so he quickly typed a short reply before returning to stack clean dishes.

A few hours later he was waiting in front of an anonymous apartment block, slightly shivering in the early autumn chill. He looked around and suddenly an uneasy feeling crept upon him as he unintentionally thought of his short trip into the drug business. He was ripped out of his depressing thoughts when he heard a voice call his name.

“Momo!”

He Tian approached him and as always Mo Guan Shan's breath hitched a little at the sight of this gorgeous man. _His man_. A smile spread on his face and he lifted an am to wave.

“Sorry I kept you waiting, the restaurant was crowded.”

 

 

Shortly after moving in with Mo Guan Shan He Tian had found a job as a waiter in an expensive, club-like restaurant. His looks and flirty manners provided him with tremendous tips and Mo Guan Shan always went furious with jealousy when he thought about all the obtrusive old ladies, wrapped in shiny jewelry, stinking of perfume, grabbing He Tian's arm with their knobbly fingers and pulling him down to whisper in his ear how he could get increase his tip. He Tian always teased him and exaggerated the stories of wealthy women (and men) purring sexual advances in his ears. Flirting was part of his work but He Tian was an expert of all the subtle nuances of communication and mastered to keep the customers entertained without ever going in too deep. And Mo Guan Shan had to admit the money he brought to the household was quite impressive. So he kept his mouth shut and tried not to show how pissed He Tian's teasing made him, knowing that He Tian could see through him like glass.

His mom was also glad that He Tian made some money and after being a bit reserved in the beginning the two of them had established an affirmative, even affectionate relationship. Mo Guan Shan's mom couldn't help but feel protective of her son when He Tian moved in and He Tian could fully understand this, being sure that he could never forgive someone who'd hurt his Momo the way he did. So after some weeks of tentative tiptoeing around each other they got along quite well and she had to admit that from what she could see, He Tian was indeed a very caring and attentive boyfriend. And Mo seemed so happy she felt she just had to accept the way he was and to be happy for him.

All in all living together went pretty well. So what had made Mo Guan Shan frown earlier was the thought of the inevitably that would happen sooner or later: He Tian moving out again, in his own place. He had gotten used to the strong, reassuring, sexy and sometimes infuriating presence of He Tian and it was hard to imagine them separated. But then again it was only different flats, they would see each other plenty enough. He tried to calm the nervousness in his belly as He Tian stepped closer and lightly brushed his hand. His face was glowing and Mo Guan Shan's heartbeat quickened.

“Shall we?”

With a swift motion he grabbed Mo Guan Shan by the arm and led him to the entrance. He searched his phone for the access code and tipped it in the keypad attached on the door. The door opened with a buzz and He Tian gave Mo Guan Shan a prompting smile. Mo Guan Shan hesitated for a second and entered the hallway. It was clean, inexpensive and ordinary in every aspect. He Tian walked over to the elevator and pushed the button for the eleventh floor. He hummed when they rode up, obviously being in a excellent mood. When they arrived on the right floor He Tian took Mo Guan Shan's hand and guided him to the door with the number 365. He had to search for another code and tipped it in.

When the door opened he put his hands over Mo Guan Shan's eyes and slowly guided him inside. He radiated the excited energy of a child on Christmas and Mo Guan Shan tried his best to suppress the lump in his throat, he'd realized in the second He Tian had entered the code that he'd found himself a place to live. So despite their agreement he couldn't help but feel disappointed and sad. He heard the door of the apartment close and felt He Tian pushing him gently further. Finally they stopped and He Tian pulled his hands away. Mo Guan Shan blinked some times. They stood in what was supposed the living room, floor-to-ceiling windows giving them a spectacular view of the buzzing city underneath. He Tian grinned wildly.

“What do you think?”

Mo Guan Shan swallowed. “It's beautiful.”

He Tian grabbed his hand. “Let me show you the rest.”

Aside the living room there was a small kitchen, two other rooms and a bathroom with shower and tub. He Tian was electrified, babbling the whole time about the features of the flat and pulling impatiently on Mo Guan Shan's hand. Mo Guan Shan listened and commented obedient but his thought were clouded at the prospect of soon living alone again.

At one time He Tian nudged his arm. “Oi! I'm talking to you? Are you even listening?”

Mo Guan Shan shook his head. “Sorry, I was thinking. What did you say?”

He Tian rolled his eyes. “I said that the flat is luckily so close to your mom we'll be able to visit her often enough.”

Mo Guan Shan gaped at him in confusion. We? He must have looked dumbstruck because He Tian laughed when he looked in his confused face.

“Why are you looking like you got hit too hard on your head?”, he snickered.

“I... uhm.... we?” Mo Guan Shan managed to stammer.

He Tian liftened his eyebrows. “Huh? Are you that dense? Who do you think I want to rent that place for? Of course it's for us.”

Mo Guan Shan still looked at him with an unbelieving expression on his face. He Tian laughed and pulled him in a tight embrace.

“You really are that dense, I can't believe it.”

He softly kissed his neck and cupped his cheeks, looking deeply in the brown-golden eyes.

“You idiot. Of course it's for us.”

“But my mom.... and the rent...” Mo Guan Shan mumbled helpless, why did the fucker always overwhelm him like that, making his brain short-circuit?

He Tian spoke in his ear. “I might have already talked to your mom. She agreed. And with the money we both make we can afford this.”

He looked in Mo Guan Shan's face, doubt flickering over his face. “That is... of course only if you want to move in with me.”

Mo Guan Shan looked into the gray eyes and immediately knew the answer.

“Yes, you idiot. I'd be happy to.” He swallowed. “But what the fuck, you can't just rent a place and talk it out with my mom behind my back! You need to talk about this kind of things!”

He was a bit angry that He Tian didn't involve him with this decision but the place was nice, and spacious, and living with He Tian in their own place would just be... perfect. He smiled at him.

“So at least my poor mom doesn't have to hear my mattress squeak anymore.”

They looked at each other and burst in a fit of giggles.

“Maybe this is why she agreed so quickly”, He Tian said and wiped his eyes. “Poor woman.”

Mo Guan Shan shook his head. “Fuck, I honestly thought you would move out.”

He Tian pulled him close and kissed his lips. The tip of his tongue slowly licked over Mo Guan Shan's lower lip, his teeth nibbling gently on the seam. Mo Guan Shan shuddered and opened his mouth to let his tongue meet He Tian's. He pulled him closer and felt He Tian's tongue enter his mouth, making him moan quietly. They let their tongues roll along each other, intertwine and tease until they were both moaning in the kiss, greedily rubbing their hard cocks together. He Tian broke the kiss and looked at Mo Guan Shan, panting heavily.

“I can't wait to fuck you on every place in this whole flat.”

Mo Guan Shan drowned in his lust-hooded eyes.

“I have an idea.”

He took He Tian by the hand and pulled him in the living room.

“I want you to fuck me on the window”, Mo Guan Shan whispered and He Tian's gaze darkened in arousal.

He drew Mo Guan Shan in a passionate kiss and pushed him to the window, where he turned him around, plastering his hands on the glass. Mo Guan Shan looked down, cars and people passing by, nobody seeing them. He felt the same kind of arousal tingle in his belly that he'd felt when He Tian had fucked him in the classroom once. He Tian licked and bit his neck, his hand stroking his chest. He felt He Tian's erection pressing on his back and pushed backwards, rubbing his ass on He Tian's crotch. He Tian hissed and pressed his cock into the curve of Momo's ass, making him moan in anticipation. Since they had no lube Mo Guan Shan sucked firmly on He Tian's fingers before his felt his pants fall on the floor, his ass suddenly in the chilly air. He Tian carefully inserted his fingers and stroked Mo Guan Shan's inside, parting his cheeks to get better access. Mo Guan Shan moaned and leaned his forehead against the cool glass. His cock already twitched when he felt He Tian's cock slowly pushing in his ass. He moaned, this felt so good and looked down on the darkening streets. He Tian groaned when he was buried all the way and started moving. Mo Guan Shan was lost in his pleasure when he felt He Tian lift up his chin.

“Open your eyes”, He Tian said breathless and Mo Guan Shan opened his eyes and gasped.

Since it was getting dark, the window reflected them like a mirror and Mo Guan Shan saw directly in his own lustful face, his cheeks flushed and lips parted. He looked away, embarrassed but He Tian pulled his face back.

“Don't look away. You're so beautiful.”

And then he started to speed up his thrusts and Mo Guan Shan cried out in pleasure, his prostate being rammed every time He Tian pushed his long cock inside. He forced himself to watch the reflection, seeing He Tian's face captured in an expression of lust, his brows furrowed, lips parted, his gaze on his cock, looking so fucking sexy. His own face was distorted in a grimace of pain and pleasure as he felt his climax building up. He Tian grabbed his hips even faster and fucked him so hard he came with a loud moan, followed by He Tian, shooting his cum in his ass. They panted hard and Momo looked down on the streets again, the glass cooling his heated face. There could be no better way to celebrate a new apartment.

 

 

After cleaning up themselves (and the window) and taking another tour thorugh the apartment they stepped out in the streets. The summer was about to fade into autumn, making the evenings darker and colder. They walked through a small park, populated by some joggers and couples strolling together in tight embraces. He Tian felt happy that the announcement of the new flat had been so successful and grinned at the image of Mo Guan Shan being fucked above the whole city.

In a sudden impulse he took Momo's hand in his own. Momo jerked away but he held it firmly. Momo looked at him in surprise and confusion.

“What are you doing?” he hissed and glanced around.

“Holding you hand, dumbass”, He Tian answered with a smile.

“Yeah I can see that, but what- there are people around!”

He tried again to pull his hand away but He Tian just held it in a firm grip.

“Considered what people could have seen half an hour ago this is rather innocent don't you think?”

A smirk was plastered on his face as Momo's face grew as red as his hair.

“You bastard”, he growled embarrassed.

He Tian put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close. Mo Guan Shan still sulked but leaned into the touch, knowing there was no escape anyway.

When they were passing a fountain that was out of order now, He Tian abruptly stopped.

“What's up?” Mo Guan Shan asked.

He Tian looked at him with an attentive expression, all traces of mocking and teasing disappeared, saying nothing. The seconds stretched and it was about to become awkward when He Tian spoke with a quiet voice.

“Fuck, Momo, I love you.” His eyes were serene, dark and full of affection. “I love you like nothing else in my life and I'm so sick of hiding it.” He swallowed hard. “I don't wanna hide it anymore. Fuck everybody else.”

He leaned in and Mo Guan Shan was too surprised to protest when he felt He Tian's soft lips touch his own. Seconds ago he was overly aware of the people surrounding them but He Tian's words made them fade away, his body automatically reacting and responding, deepening the kiss.

His heart raced but the park and the people and everything else vanished when He Tian kissed him in the dim light of a chilly autumn evening, already smelling like earth and wet leaves, leaving only the two of them.

 _Tian is right_ , he thought. _Fuck everybody else._

 

 

END

 


	13. OST

Because nothing sweetens your heartache than the right soundtrack! 

(What you think is the right music might of course be very different! Suggenstions welcome :)

 

 

 

 

First day of my life- Bright eyes

Heartbeats- José Gonzales

Nothing arrived- Villagers

Limit to your love- James Blake

So here we are- Bloc Party

Use somebody- Kings of Leon

Iris- The Goo Goo Dolls

Creep- Radiohead

Stay with me- Sam Smith

Skinny love- Birdy

My oh My- Leonard Cohen

Delicate- Damien Rice

I dare you- The xx

Coming home- Leon Bridges

 

 


End file.
